A Brave Writer's Life in Brief

Are you having a bad day? What do you like to hear the most when things are going poorly?

There’s an old saying: “What we resist persists.”

When you’re having a bad day, isn’t the last thing you want to hear is that you should be grateful for what a great life you have and that sometimes you have responsibilities and just need to do them?

I know I always feel so much better when someone simply starts by accepting my own self reporting. “I believe you” is a powerful three word phrase.

I Believe You

Try it today when your child tells you they don’t like the turkey sandwich that they’ve always loved. Try it when one of your children says they hate taking baths even though yesterday they loved taking baths. Try it when they tell you math is too hard or writing hurts their hand.

Say: “I believe you.”

Some might ask, but what does it mean to say “I believe you” to a kid you know is lying? Doesn’t that encourage your child to make up stories rather than tell the truth? Good question! Watch my follow up video response where I explain more what I mean by using the phrase “I believe you” as a tool to create connection and build trust.

So leave some space to see what comes next. You might be surprised where it leads.

This post is originally from Instagram and @juliebogartwriter is my account there so come follow along for more conversations like this one!

Character is not something you form in your child. It comes from within.

It’s having enough sense of self that you make good decisions. It means you are taking responsibility for yourself and the well being of others.

If you don’t have access to what it feels like to have well being, you will harm others trying to get it. The greatest gift we can give our children is the ability to make their own joy and contentment.

Of course they will face pain and suffering as all human beings do. But it’s those who have known joy (that inner wellspring of feeling rightside up in the world) who can grieve, recover, and imagine a brighter future for everyone.

Go forth. Enjoy. Let go a little.

Ask yourself: how will I bring a little joy into my kids’ lives this week (so they grow in character)?

This post was originally shared on Instagram.
Watch the accompanying reel for more.

Amends are not a once-for-all-time act. We learn to take responsibility for our impact over time. It’s super easy to be defensive or to believe that you aren’t making the mistakes your parents made. A feet-of-clay moment comes for all of us, though.

The Key

The key to relationship repair with our children goes beyond the apology. It’s the willingness to sit in the discomfort of hearing how our behavior impacted the other person, without losing our cool.

Most of us want that from our parents. The practice, though, is for us—to take a “fearless and moral inventory of our lives” and to be accountable for our actions. We can’t make someone else come to terms with their impact, but we can learn to take that awkward responsibility for ours. I give my mom a lot of credit. She has shown me the way again and again.

Just to add: my father made amends to me in person when I asked him to—in his own different way. Both were healing. Neither prevented future hurts, but now those differences are less painful and I am more accepting of everyone’s limitations, including my own.

[quote above from the 4th of the 12 Steps]

This post was originally shared on Instagram.
Watch the accompanying reel for more.

Love is the key ingredient in your homeschool. Knowing you are loved, though, and feeling loved are not identical.

Here are some examples of that distinction:

Knowing you’re loved:
My mom makes meals for me every day.

Feeling loved:
My mom makes sure my favorite snacks are in the pantry.

Knowing you’re loved:
My parents come to all my soccer games.

Feeling loved:
My parents comforted me with hugs and kindness when we lost the game.

Knowing you’re loved:
My dad sits next to me to watch his football games and shares his snack.

Feeling loved:
My dad watches my favorite shows and shares my snack.

Be on the lookout for ways you can help your kids feel THEY are loved versus simply knowing they are loved.

This post is originally from Instagram and @juliebogartwriter is my account there so come follow along for more conversations like this one!