A Brave Writer's Life in Brief

Have you ever felt trapped by a group?

You are asking yourself fresh questions, but to voice them to family or friends might mean you are putting yourself at odds with them. The most dangerous thinking happens not because of misinformation but because of the pressure to conform to group think in order to maintain your relationships.

It’s tempting to adopt the beliefs and language of a group in order to feel like you belong. Once you choose to align with a group, however, you may risk your relationships should you ever think differently. But true belonging comes from knowing you can show up as you are now, not as the person you were or are supposed to be.

So, the quickest test of whether someone loves you as you are is to change your mind—to see something in a fundamentally different way than that person you love. How do they see you now?

The Purity Test

I have experienced this—the purity test, the “does she use the right language?” test, the “is it dangerous for me to hang out with her now?” question.

Remember: you don’t owe anyone fidelity to their slogans and ideas. Your strongest relationships are the ones that stay with the you who lives inside your current body, not the ones that are looking for evidence of agreement.

My book, Raising Critical Thinkers, can help too.

Every so often, we’ll give you a peek into Brave Learner Home, our supportive online community. Today’s post features an encouraging message by Dawn Smith (President of Brave Writer) that she recently shared.

Many homeschoolers worry that they aren’t doing enough and that their child will have gaps when they graduate. Rest assured, everyone has gaps. Yes, schooled kids, too.

If a student changes schools, experiences a long illness, has a weak teacher, or attends a specialized school that emphasizes technology over the arts, they will have gaps. And beyond that, there are lifetimes upon lifetimes of human knowledge out there (history, science, literature, philosophy) that make learning a lifelong, perpetually unfinished pursuit. We are all continuously “filling in gaps!”

As long as your child is making progress and you have been diligent about tracking that progress and paying attention to their development, you’re doing enough. When it comes to the high school years, having a good sense of what they need, and yes, that can include checklists, is important. As parents, it’s our job to work with our teens to help open as many doors as possible after homeschooling is finished. 

As many of you approach the end of the year and look back on what this school year has held for you and your kids, I encourage you to spend time reflecting on growth and development, not just on pinpointing shortcomings. When you find something that you think indicates a “gap,” you can use it to help plan for next year, but remember, you’ll never fill all the gaps. 

It’s a lifelong process. And we want to nurture lifelong learners.

There’s nothing more powerful for a small child than to see their oral language turned into a book that can be read again and again.

But some kids find it intimidating to draw illustrations. Fabulous sticker books (like the one below) provide beautiful artwork for a child’s book. Then the child can decide what story those stickers tell. An adult then jots down their words.

I was amazed that my grandson told me a story for every single page of his book, and when he read it back to his mother and his father, he remembered every word. This is the power of original storytelling and capturing a child’s original voice.

My nearly 4-year-old grandson is bilingual in English and Spanish, and it was incredible to see him dictate to me in English and translate the story into Spanish for his dad.

Brave Writer calls this practice Jot It Down! And we provide ten helpful projects for parents. I also explain it in detail in my book, Help! My Kid Hates Writing.

Raising children puts us face-to-face with our memories of what we did or didn’t get as children, ourselves. Parenting your children is a chance to re-parent yourself, too.

Give yourself the same…

• kindness
• patience
• support
• enthusiasm
• and faith

…that you offer your children.

If You Need Help

One of the goals of Brave Writer (and our membership community, Brave Learner Home) is to help you heal your own uncomfortable relationship with your education. If you were the kind of person who struggled with grades or boredom at school or have memories of homeschool that were not positive, our work is dedicated to helping you reimagine your role in learning with your kids.

Also, my book, Help! My Kid Hates Writing, is my manifesto. Bad writing instruction causes lingering damage—yet everywhere I turn, the same tired, harmful practices are being adopted by many parents and teachers. There’s an entire chapter in my book called “Healing the Damaged Writer in You.” It will help.

My other books support the atmosphere and power of learning and critical thinking. I promise you. Your homeschool will feel completely different when you stop thinking in terms of schedule planning and curriculum and instead focus on the deeper experience of learning.

Are you sick of trying to do a better job of homeschooling? Good!

That means you are closer to trusting yourself instead of comparing yourself to everyone else.

The biggest missing ingredient in today’s homeschools is confidence. Confidence comes from risk—try something! Put joy or curiosity at the center. If you don’t see those happening, pivot! You deserve to have a good life! That matters the most—way more than “hitting a bunch of standards.”

Experience Ahead of Image

Evaluate your homeschool by how it feels, rather than how it looks. Put your energy into creating an experience rather than an image. Every day we are shown pictures of smiling children, learning effortlessly in clean, trauma-free homes. Yet homeschooling thrives in lived-in homes, with caring adults who are growing and adapting.

You’re doing better than you realize every time you put experience ahead of image.

Need more support?

If that sounds impossible, read my book The Brave Learner. I spell it out for you. It provides handholds to make life a learning adventure rather than a carefully curated “school at home” that looks beautiful but feels rigid.