Find the Magic

Brave Writer

Every subject in the universe has magic in it. It’s up to us to find it.

Magic. Enchantment. Delight.

Pick the word you like best.

  • I know the delight of puns, the music of alliteration when terms trip off the tongue, the value of vivacious verbs, the goodness of the precise word, the emphatic power of an exclamation point.
  • I know the intimacy of a character as best friend, the window into another world I’ve never known, the lingering over a book after it’s finished savoring the end.
  • I know the shock of card tricks, the satisfaction of getting the right answer, the seduction of writing in code, the maddening nature of fractions, and the joy of their precision and practicality in quilting.
  • I know the anticipation of our backyard nuthatch descending the tree trunk head first, the startling volcanic overflow of baking soda and vinegar, the graphing of leaves falling off our front yard maple.
  • I know the surprise of familiar yearnings and dreams in people who lived long ago and far away, the abject terror of war, the digging up of fossils in a creek bed so old we can’t count the years, the tantalizing invitation to revisit old documents to ask them our new questions.

I know these experiences because I learned with my kids. They got up close and put their bodies in the way of learning. They pushed me to find the connective tissue between “academic objective” and “personal value.”

That intersection is boldly marked: “Magic.”

When I talk about magic, I’m saying that children relate better to surprise and mystery, risk and adventure than they do to rote memorization or testing. The joy and amazement that drive their participation in sports, games, and play CAN and SHOULD animate their school subjects.


This post is originally from Instagram and @juliebravewriter is my account there so come follow along for more conversations like this one!


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Friday Freewrite: Robot Friend

Friday Freewrite

Imagine that your best friend is a robot. What would that be like?

New to freewriting? Check out our online guide.


Podcast: Raising Happy Humans

Brave Writer Podcast

For homeschooling parents, happiness feels like the lowest level of ambition. When other parents would say “I only want my kids to be happy,” we’d scoff. We wanted our kids to be virtuous, to make a difference, to be leaders in their generation.

But we parents have very little control—over our own lives, let alone the lives of our kids. The struggle to become an adult means entering a world of complexity and ambiguity, no matter how much we want to protect our kids from it.

In today’s Brave Writer podcast, I’m going to share a story of when I came to realize that, hey, this happiness thing may not be so bad.

Show Notes

A moment comes for all parents. The cold ring of the phone too late at night that means something. A car crash, drunk driving, the police. Some moments paralyze: childhood cancer, learning disabilities, mental illness. Others overthrow hopes and dreams: “I’m pregnant,” “I just got kicked out of college,” “I’m struggling with an addiction.”

I didn’t want any of these moments. Neither did my group. We’re homeschoolers. We hope to control shape our kids’ values enough to keep our Xanax consumption to a minimum.

My group, the ever-resourceful, energetic crowd who orchestrates Medieval feasts (complete with costumes for the whole family), who’ve read thousands of pages aloud to little kids while nursing babies, who bake bread from scratch, use pies to teach fractions, cook an extra meal for the friend who is sick, who study history late at night to stay ahead of their kids the next day…. this group has strong ideals of family and how it all ought to look by the time their young ones turn twenty.

I love these mothers. We’re all neurotic and nutty in similar ways. We obsess over things like completing math problems. After all, no self-respecting home-educated child is allowed to give a wrong answer. At home, all problems can be reworked, can’t they? Yet at the same time, a week can go by where no math problems are worked at all due to life’s crazy interruptions and the went-missing-again math book.

We worry about everything and yet believe we have the power to protect, educate, and control outcomes bar none.

We’re a contradictory movement. Our core membership wants to roll back the clock to an earlier time when family values were “conventional” and unambiguous (at least in perception) yet we are strongly anti-convention in today’s world. Homeschooling is the bold hippie choice for education!

A couple of years ago, I had the pleasure of attending a bridal shower for the future daughter-in-law of one of my good friends. This shower was filled with homeschooling mothers, many of whom hadn’t been together in years. As we looked at each other and knew bits and pieces of our children’s stories, emerging adulthood didn’t look as pristine as we’d imagined when our kids were little.

This bride, for instance, was “knocked up.” Not the game plan of most homeschool families. Yet what struck me about the extraordinary event was the cheerful goodwill in that room—the earnest desire to celebrate this marriage, this baby, this family in the making. In fact, she’s not “knocked up” but pregnant with a baby by a man she loves. Where’s the tragedy again? What’s the disaster? 

As a forty-something adult at the time, I realized (as I thought of all the various families represented in that room) that I had sunk to the lowest level of ambition for each of our children: I hoped that they’d all simply be happy. 

The surprise of shot-gun weddings, depression, secret lives of sex or smoking, loss of ambition, failing in college or getting kicked out, dabbling in drugs, questioning parental values, losing faith, lost scholarships, changing majors, and even the endless treadmill of “proving oneself” with good grades and high achievement… this is young adult life in all its messy fullness.

What I loved that day when we gathered to celebrate a young woman’s pregnancy was the calm care that inhabited all the conversations I witnessed. Maternal anxiety to “have it together” or to “be a testimony” had been replaced by genuine affection and hope that all would be well, and a love for one another born out of shared understanding—life is what happens while you make other plans.

To have friends to turn to when things don’t go as planned is what constitutes a rich life. That morning, I felt wealthy. Today, I know I am.

Resources

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Connect with Julie

Brave Writer Podcast

Listening Feels Like Love

Brave Writer

When you listen, it helps to imagine the feelings of your child by attempting to see the world through his or her eyes. That’s empathy and it’s critical to a happy homeschool.

Knowing you’re loved and feeling loved are not identical.

You can know someone loves you, even when they are distant or cruel or hurtful. It won’t feel like love but their love can be cognitively accepted. We go to therapy to understand that the love offered missed the mark emotionally, but we can accept that it was real.

But to feel loved? That’s something else. When you feel loved, you don’t need therapy to tell you that what is being expressed is love. It takes no work to feel it. That kind of love is a balm, a summer rain shower, a bouquet of freshly sharpened pencils in New York in the fall. Feeling loved is a pleasurable experience—it delivers:

  • safety,
  • connection,
  • and trust.

The best news?

To show love is easy. It requires no flowers or candy.

Just listen.

Your child is giving you clues to their inner world all day every day. Sometimes we’re exhausted by the acts of love and service we offer freely. Even as those are loving, for a child to feel loved, they need something else. They want a kind, listening ear—a person who will hold space for their:

  • thoughts,
  • emotions,
  • worries,
  • and wishes.

Kids feel loved when they feel free to be known as themselves.

The challenge, of course, is not running ahead to solutions or worries of your own. It’s a shift to get behind your child’s eyes to see the reasonableness of their point of view. It doesn’t have to be the right point of view—just that given all that the child knows today, this is how they see what they see.

This means sitting on the tendency to have words. You introverts may have an advantage here. Let’s get quieter and kinder and more spacious and more attentive. Let’s work on doing less and loving more.

Let’s listen.


This post is originally from Instagram and @juliebravewriter is my account there so come follow along for more conversations like this one!


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Friday Freewrite: Sticky Situation

Friday Freewrite

Write a story about a child who accidentally walks on a sibling’s craft project and gets a bunch of confetti stars stuck to their feet!

New to freewriting? Check out our online guide.