November 2023 - Page 3 of 4 - A Brave Writer's Life in Brief A Brave Writer's Life in Brief
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A Brave Writer's Life in Brief

Thoughts from my home to yours

Archive for November, 2023

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[Podcast #211] The Danger in Setting Boundaries

Brave Writer Podcast

With the holiday season approaching, I’ve been hearing all kinds of advice about boundary setting. As a grandmother myself, I’ve experienced firsthand how relationships and boundaries evolve with adult children over time.

I think what’s missing from most modern conversations about boundaries is how important it is to start from a place of:

  • empathy,
  • exploration,
  • and open communication.

Boundaries should be like fences, not walls. Walls are immovable and permanent, and you can’t see through them. Fences can be moved, they can be adjusted, and they have gates that let people in and out. 

What are your thoughts about fences versus boundaries? Reflect on what it feels like when someone sets a boundary (a requirement) for you versus considers possible solutions that take both your needs and theirs into account.

Show Notes

In Transition

Everyone is in a transition as we grow into adulthood. Your parents have never been parents of adult kids, just like you’ve never been parents of children.

When you’re younger, you hit different developmental stages in your life where having your parents around or spending a ton of time with them at some point feels like it interferes with your developing autonomy.

But remember, on the other end of the relationship are aging parents who need to grieve the loss of that level of connection and intimacy. Most of your parents’ desires come from having lived in that front-row seat to your life. It’s a pretty hard habit to quit. Plus, these kinds of life changes can bring up deep feelings around aging and mortality.

As an adult, if you want to change habits in a family, acknowledging the losses and grief of aging is essential to keeping everyone’s goodwill. Give your parents a little bit of time and space to process the conversation about boundaries. It is natural for them to experience feelings of sadness and rejection. That is human. 

It might be helpful if you remind them of how they might have felt when they were young parents like you, starting their own family traditions that meant so much to you as a kid. Explain that that is what you want to create for your children.

Of course, if your parents react badly to boundary conversations, no, it’s not your responsibility to rescue them– but it might be yours, in a connected, loving relationship, to acknowledge that their grief is real, that their disappointment is meaningful. And it doesn’t mean you’re going to change your behavior. 

THE BOTTOM LINE: When setting boundaries, start with curiosity about what it is like to be in your parents’ shoes. Don’t just assume that your parents will know what it is like to be in your shoes. Treat your family like human beings who love you, not like people who are designing strategies to undermine your well-being and autonomy. They are just people in a relationship with you who need to learn a new method or a new way of relating to you. 

Boundaries as Fences, Not Walls

Boundaries should be like fences, not walls— Walls are immovable and permanent, and you can’t see through them. Fences can be moved, they can be adjusted, and they have gates that let people in and out. 

You don’t have to set boundaries as though you’re setting up a new once-and-for-all pattern of behavior that will never change. When you do that, you’re actually creating a system you have to defend rather than an exploration of possibilities with the people you love. 

Plus, you may be walling yourself and your young family in an experience that you don’t actually end up enjoying. You may want to spend one holiday as a small unit, but then change your mind the next year. Having different experiences each year is ok! That’s why starting from a basis of open communication is so important.

And remember: Expressing needs and emotions in these conversations is not some kind of vote. Saying, “I don’t want to do Thanksgiving with you this year” is not a vote against your parent. Your parent saying, “That makes me sad” is not a vote against you. It’s just people navigating a change of status in the relationship.

Gentleness towards all Generations

Lastly, I think we would all do better in these situations if we bring gentleness to all generations. People from different generations are taught different values and different vocabulary. 

Often we get caught up in telling people how to behave or how to speak. Instead, we should give them a meaningful experience of the impact of their behaviors on us. For example, rather than policing certain words, we should tell our loved ones how those words land with us.

FINAL NOTE

Of course, addicts, abusers, and people with mental illness are in a separate category when it comes to boundary conversations. You do have to deal with those conditions differently. But you can still come from a place of love and set boundaries for yourself rather than rules for them.

Resources

  • Start a free trial of CTCmath.com to try the math program that’s sure to grab and keep your child’s attention!
  • Sign up for our Text Message Pod Ring before Black Friday and Cyber Monday to get our steepest discounts!
  • Send us podcast topic ideas by texting us: +1 (833) 947-3684
  • Want help getting started with Brave Writer? Go to bravewriter.com/getting-started
  • Sign up for the Brave Writer newsletter to learn about all of the special offers we’re doing and you’ll get a free seven-day Writing Blitz guide just for signing up: https://go.bravewriter.com/writing-blitz

Connect with Julie

  • Instagram: instagram.com/juliebravewriter
  • Twitter: twitter.com/bravewriter
  • Facebook: facebook.com/bravewriter

Produced by NOVA Media

Brave Writer Podcast

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2023 Black Friday and Cyber Monday!

Brave Writer 2023 Black Friday Cyber Monday

Mark your calendars!

Black Friday Weekend (11/24-26) and Cyber Monday (11/27) are around the corner.

We have offers for both.

  • On Black Friday Weekend, we’re offering a buy-two-get-one-free deal on our Literature Singles.
  • On Cyber Monday, take a whopping 27% OFF of any product purchase (except Literature Singles). That bundle you’ve been eyeing? It will be at its best price of the year!

Prepare NOW while your hands aren’t covered in flour and pie crust. 

Shop the following weekend!

Have questions? Write to us at [email protected]—or Live Chat on Cyber Monday!


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Brave Writer 2023 Black Friday Cyber Monday

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Brave Writer Precept #6: We Take Risks

Brave Writer Precept

The sixth Brave Writer precept is: We take risks and experiment with methods, knowing we can double back any time to sure footing.

When learning becomes stale, the best strategy is to take learning risks, and to experiment with different methods.

For instance, what if your child got to pick any page in the math book to work on today? Does it matter if that child knows how to do the problems on that page? It doesn’t! Why? Because the fact that the child had curiosity and picked a page that looked interesting provides the foundation for teaching and experimenting and learning.

Can the child use skills they already have to figure out what that page is trying to teach? Is there a meaningful approach the child could take without any help from you? What does a child need to know that they don’t know yet simply by looking at that page?

Same thing is true for any subject. Perhaps you hand your child the book you’re reading aloud and say to your child: “Pick one sentence on this page that you think is interesting for any reason.” If the child comes back and says all the sentences are boring, ask them to find the most boring sentence. Discuss why.

Experiment, get curious, take a risk!

What would happen if you told your child that it was time to write, but every sentence had to end in an exclamation point? How would that impact what they wrote?

What if you asked your child to write on a sheet of paper in landscape view rather than portrait? How about if your child used a different color pen for each word?

We’re only limited by our imaginations and our willingness to depart from the conventional. Be brave! You can’t blow it.

No matter what you do, you learn something.


Brave Writer’s 12 Precepts


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Friday Freewrite: If Mail Could Talk

Friday Freewrite

Imagine pieces of mail can talk to each other. What do the letters, bills, and packages discuss while waiting to be brought in to your home?

New to freewriting? Check out our online guide.

Tags: Writing prompts
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[Podcast #210] Pleasure in Writing

Brave Writer Podcast

As an educator deeply embedded in the homeschooling world, I’ve witnessed firsthand the transformative power of writing when taught as a natural and enjoyable practice. Yet, the essence of our message transcends the confines of any single medium. It’s about fostering a love of writing in our children—seeing it not as a task but as a playground for their imagination.

Tune in to today’s Brave Writer podcast as we talk about pleasure in writing.

Show Notes

Writing as Play: Blurring the Lines Between Structured Learning and Creativity

Our approach to teaching writing is akin to nurturing a garden. It’s about creating an ecosystem where writing thrives as a form of play, not a chore. Children are at their most expressive when they play, uninhibited and vibrant. Imagine if writing held the same allure. This is the heart of our educational philosophy—where writing is an extension of a child’s natural way of communicating and interacting with the world.

Joyful Expression: Encouraging a Love for Words

In my years of guiding young writers, I’ve embraced methods like the ‘jot it down’ technique, encouraging children to spill their thoughts onto paper without the pressure of correctness. This method celebrates the raw delight of expressing oneself, awakening the rich vocabulary that lies dormant within. Creative exercises like blackout poetry or crafting word collages also serve this mission, presenting language as a tapestry of expression waiting to be woven by youthful hands.

The Personal Chronicle: Valuing Each Child’s Unique Story

I often speak of the profound value found in personal writings, whether they be diaries, journals, or even doodles on a whiteboard. They are more than just exercises in writing; they are archives of the soul. These personal chronicles capture a child’s unique view of their world, often offering more intimate glimpses into their thoughts and experiences than any photograph could.

A Morning of Laughter: Rethinking Routines to Embrace Playfulness

Why should our days begin with work when they can start with laughter and play? In my family, we often flipped the script, starting with what delights us. This philosophy can seamlessly extend to the educational space. By beginning with activities that spark joy, we set a tone that carries into more structured learning. Writing, in this light, becomes another facet of play—a delightful venture.

The narrative here is not just about writing. It’s about how we, as educators and parents, can kindle the fires of creativity and joy in our children’s education. Writing is a magnificent journey, and when taught with this spirit of enthusiasm and play, it becomes a lifelong companion to our children—one that holds the promise of endless exploration and delight.

Resources

  • Sign up for our Text Message Pod Ring to get podcast updates and more!
  • Send us podcast topic ideas by texting us: +1 (833) 947-3684
  • Want help getting started with Brave Writer? Go to bravewriter.com/getting-started
  • Sign up for the Brave Writer newsletter to learn about all of the special offers we’re doing and you’ll get a free seven-day Writing Blitz guide just for signing up: https://go.bravewriter.com/writing-blitz

Connect with Julie

  • Instagram: instagram.com/juliebravewriter
  • Twitter: twitter.com/bravewriter
  • Facebook: facebook.com/bravewriter

Produced by NOVA Media

Brave Writer Podcast

Posted in Podcasts | Comments Off on [Podcast #210] Pleasure in Writing

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