We know that young writers often feel vulnerable when sharing their work, even in our friendly online classroom. Red pen effect is real!
So we thought we’d give you a glimpse of what an actual student-coach interaction looks like in our beloved Writing a Greek Myth class.
In this assignment, students were asked to write about two Greek gods in conflict.
A student posted*…
One time, the mischievious god of thieves bounces up the rocky slopes of Delphi. Soon, he saw the radiant glow of his favorite brother, Apollo, god of Archery. He shouted “HI, APOLLO!” Apollo was so shocked he tried to draw his bow only to find he did not have it. “Hermes!” He grew 99,999,999,999 miles tall. Hermes responded to this by…shooting him on the bottom! They chased each other around until Hermes gave the bow back and bounded down the hill with his lyre.
What happens next? Students receive constructive, supportive feedback to help them grow as writers. Rather than breaking out the red pen for spelling and punctuation errors, our coaches dig deeper to notice what works in the writing, to name it, and to offer expansion ideas. Coaches offer in-line responses, so commentary feels like a conversation between writer and reader.
See that in action
One time, the mischievious god of thieves bounces up the rocky slopes of Delphi.
The pairing of the verb bounce with the adjective mischievous works well—I can picture the carefree, impish way the god moves.
Soon, he saw the radiant glow of his favorite brother, Apollo, god of Archery.
You work in some physical characteristics (radiant glow) while keeping the action going. It builds my mental image while I continue to follow along with the god.
He shouted “HI, APOLLO!” Apollo was so shocked he tried to draw his bow only to find he did not have it.
Your use of all caps helps me hear the shout (and see why Apollo was shocked).
If you like the idea, you could even play up his shock for us—where does he look? What expression crosses his face when he realizes what Hermes has done? I’d love to be a fly “on the wall” here!
“Hermes!” He grew 99,999,999,999 miles tall.
This very specific number grows in my mind as I read—all those ‘9s’ make Apollo seem even taller.
I’d love to see this happening! I imagine birds taking flight and tree branches breaking off as Apollo shoots past them. This might be a fun place to zoom in if you ever return to this story.
Hermes responded to this by…shooting him on the bottom!
Ha! That’s a response in line with this mischievous god. Plus, it has me imagining the earth-shattering roar that might result!
They chased each other around until Hermes gave the bow back and bounded down the hill with his lyre.
You worked each character’s special objects into your myth and got their personalities across in a way that would help me get to know them, even if I hadn’t read the original myths. Thanks for sharing!
*used with permission
After the feedback
Students can run with the ideas the coach offered or just file them away for later. In the meantime, they get to feel like real writers—authors who make an impact on their readers. That’s powerful stuff!
