A Brave Writer's Life in Brief

We wish there were a formula for raising kids.

I wish we cared more about the privilege of knowing them.

If the parenting tricks and tips don’t work for you, could it be that your goal is not connection but control? Control through the “guise” of relationship?

• Know your children.
• Drop the shoulds.
• Stay curious and connected.

Cooperation is for your comfort. Relationship is for theirs.

Be interested in why they threw their food or won’t stay asleep or hate wearing shoes or refuse to listen.

Lean in.

Know your kids: who they are over how they are.

This post is originally from Instagram and @juliebogartwriter is my account there so come follow along for more conversations like this one!

What if…

• you made a rule for yourself that said: “I will never assume my child is out to trick me”?
• you heard a child’s complaints as useful information so you can solve a problem together?
• your child’s unhappiness mattered more to you than your need to push that child through schoolwork?

Trust Goes Both Ways

Trust goes both ways only if it goes both ways. Can your child trust you to bring good things into their daily lives? Does your child trust that when they are bored, tired, annoyed, or unhappy those feelings matter to you?

You can still have objectives. But what happens to those objectives when we take our children’s experience seriously? Might we:

• change the delivery system?
• create different conditions for performing the task?
• lend kind support or a sense of humor?

Our kids are not the problem.

Mutual trust is.

When we build mutual trust, we improve everyone’s life. Learn to be trustworthy by trusting that your children are not out to ruin the day, your homeschool, your family or your life. Meet them where they are so they can meet you where you are too.

Lather, rinse, repeat.

This post is originally from Instagram and @juliebogartwriter is my account there so come follow along for more conversations like this one!

Are you struggling to achieve an idealistic version of home education?

Maybe “idealistic” is the wrong word. Perhaps we struggle with an unrealistic, inaccurate view of what homeschooling is. After all: the one key value that ought to be the minimum requirement is that what our kids learn is at least as interesting as watching Moana or playing in the woods.

Flip the Script

Provoke a new relationship to what your kids are learning!

For instance, if when teaching commas you start by breaking the rules, you give your kids a chance to experience the power of a comma. Try this:

• Find a sentence with a comma then insert additional commas after every word.
• Next, read aloud the sentence with all the extra commas.
• As you or your child pauses each time there is a comma (even if it doesn’t make sense in the intonation), your child will begin to understand how and why we use commas at all!
• Finally, read the original sentence with only the one, well-placed comma.
• Your child will now have a felt sense of the power of a comma. It will be known, not just practiced for a worksheet.

A key question to ask yourself, then, is:

How can I demonstrate the POWER of this concept, idea, skill?

That will move you in the right direction. 

This post was originally shared on Instagram.
Watch the accompanying reel for more.

Today’s freewriting prompt:

Describe your relationship with the wind.

New to Freewriting?

Freewriting is that wonderful key that unlocks the writer within. It’s the vehicle by which we trick our inner selves into divesting the words and ideas that we want to share but are afraid won’t come out right on paper if we do. So, read the freewriting prompt, set the timer for 5-10 minutes then write whatever comes to mind. Just keep the pencil moving!

Need more help? Check out our free online guide.

Our plan or their happiness? Which?

We can’t expect our kids to both cooperate and always be happy about it. That’s a tall order.

If we want cooperation with our agenda, and it’s an agenda our kids don’t want, the decent thing to do is to tolerate their poor reaction or sour mood or sulking.

Hold Space

We have to choose wisely: cooperation or cheerfulness. We don’t always get both. That’s okay! We’re the grownups. We can handle a little moodiness from our kids when they don’t yet see the bigger picture that we do. That’s part of being an adult—holding space for our kids’ big emotions.

It also matters to think about how much we’re asking of them. Sometimes letting go of our agenda is the compassionate and right thing to do.

So go forth and give some space to a child who isn’t yet on board with the plan. Make comments like:

“It’s hard to keep walking in the heat, isn’t it?”

Sometimes, once you notice, they feel freer to get over it too.

This post was originally shared on Instagram.
Watch the accompanying reel for more.