Think of a time when you appeared happy outwardly, but inwardly you were unhappy. Describe what that was like.
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Shifting Responsibility
We can only drive our kids so far. At some point, they have to take the wheel. Those who have never been allowed to make meaningful decisions until later in life are likely to flounder. ~Dr. William Stixrud, The Self-Driven Child
Our job is not to nag or punish our preteens and teens into cooperation.
Your “reminders” have become nagging when you:
- act as the notification system to keep your child on track
- care more about the tasks than your child does
- feel annoyed all day
- feel disrespected
- make the “asks” fun yet your kids still won’t follow through
Rather, the key to productive youth is motivation. When you are exhausted from pushing the rock up the hill (the activities, education, showers, chores, clean clothes, homework) on behalf of your child through shaming, blaming, and incessant reminding, pivot.
Go on a “caring fast.”
Choose to not care for a day.
- Wake up, make your favorite hot beverage, open your phone, tune into a podcast, put your feet up.
- Next, maybe take the dog for a walk, read a chapter of a book, throw in a load of laundry, eat a snack.
- At some point, some child is going to wonder: “What are we supposed to do today Mom/Dad?” With a nonchalant manner, simply say, “I don’t know. Up to you. I’m busy with X.”
- Go back to X.
To shift responsibility to a child, be honest without assigning motives.
“I’m here to help you with school work or lunch (or whatever) when you are ready. Until then, I’ve got other stuff to do.”
The key to this practice is not using it as manipulation. You are training yourself to care less, too. This is the beginning of shifting the responsibility to your child away from yourself. It’s hard! Parents like control. That preteen or teen doesn’t want the responsibility, so they keep putting it back on you. Drop the rope. No more tug of war.
Get busy, give space, and trust.
It’s a detox for you too.
Part Two next week!
This post is originally from Instagram and @juliebogartwriter is my account there so come follow along for more conversations like this one!
Friday Freewrite: The Only One
Look at the image (one purple toy duck is surrounded by a multitude of yellow toy ducks). What is the purple duck thinking?
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UPDATED: Research and Citation Class
When I wrote Raising Critical Thinkers it felt… risky. I knew that the ideas in my book would be a challenge to some of you. But I also knew that they would challenge ME and my team! Based on this new information, some things would need to change. However uncomfortable.
First on that list? The way we teach research and citation.
So we completely dismantled and re-created our Essay Prep: Research and Citation class to address the modern challenges of doing research online.
Yes.
It’s still got great stuff like paraphrasing and how to take notes. But now it also has these critical components.
How to
- Avoid being fooled by the “look” of a website
- Wade through one million results on a Google search
- Vet online sources like fact-checkers do
- Discern a deliberately crafted story (presented as fact)
- Design an investigation into a topic of interest
I’ll tell you right now—there is no other class like this on the market.
Fast forward to college. 99% of the answers they need are out there, to be found in research. Our kids need to learn how to find it and use it right. Let us help.
Register
Podcast: Do You Have the Wrong Personality for Your Temperament?
I am recording some of my Tea with Julie emails for the podcast for those of you who prefer to listen. These are messages of support for your life of parenting and educating, as well as taking good care of you. If you’d like to receive them, they are free. Sign up at bravewriter.com/tea
Does it sometimes feel like your personality and your temperament are at odds with one another?
Whether you keep a ship-shape house or you’re relaxed and casual, let me promise you this: There is no one personality type better suited to homeschooling than another. And no one personality type better for:
- parenting,
- loving,
- or nurturing.
Each has its own strengths and liabilities, and the goal is to work to become more self-aware, recognize when we are in our element, and find out what it means to best serve the moment.
Show Notes
Complete Tea with Julie notes can be found HERE.
Resources
- If you’d like to get these Tea for Julie newsletters in your inbox every week, sign up at bravewriter.com/tea.
- Want help getting started with Brave Writer? Head over to bravewriter.com/getting-started
- Sign up for the Brave Writer newsletter to learn about all of the special offers we’re doing in 2022 and you’ll get a free seven-day Writing Blitz guide just for signing up: http://go.bravewriter.com/writing-blitz
Connect with Julie
- Instagram: instagram.com/juliebogartwriter
- Twitter: twitter.com/bravewriter
- Facebook: facebook.com/bravewriter
