A Brave Writer's Life in Brief

Character is not something you form in your child. It comes from within.

It’s having enough sense of self that you make good decisions. It means you are taking responsibility for yourself and the well being of others.

If you don’t have access to what it feels like to have well being, you will harm others trying to get it. The greatest gift we can give our children is the ability to make their own joy and contentment.

Of course they will face pain and suffering as all human beings do. But it’s those who have known joy (that inner wellspring of feeling rightside up in the world) who can grieve, recover, and imagine a brighter future for everyone.

Go forth. Enjoy. Let go a little.

Ask yourself: how will I bring a little joy into my kids’ lives this week (so they grow in character)?

This post was originally shared on Instagram.
Watch the accompanying reel for more.

Amends are not a once-for-all-time act. We learn to take responsibility for our impact over time. It’s super easy to be defensive or to believe that you aren’t making the mistakes your parents made. A feet-of-clay moment comes for all of us, though.

The Key

The key to relationship repair with our children goes beyond the apology. It’s the willingness to sit in the discomfort of hearing how our behavior impacted the other person, without losing our cool.

Most of us want that from our parents. The practice, though, is for us—to take a “fearless and moral inventory of our lives” and to be accountable for our actions. We can’t make someone else come to terms with their impact, but we can learn to take that awkward responsibility for ours. I give my mom a lot of credit. She has shown me the way again and again.

Just to add: my father made amends to me in person when I asked him to—in his own different way. Both were healing. Neither prevented future hurts, but now those differences are less painful and I am more accepting of everyone’s limitations, including my own.

[quote above from the 4th of the 12 Steps]

This post was originally shared on Instagram.
Watch the accompanying reel for more.

Love is the key ingredient in your homeschool. Knowing you are loved, though, and feeling loved are not identical.

Here are some examples of that distinction:

Knowing you’re loved:
My mom makes meals for me every day.

Feeling loved:
My mom makes sure my favorite snacks are in the pantry.

Knowing you’re loved:
My parents come to all my soccer games.

Feeling loved:
My parents comforted me with hugs and kindness when we lost the game.

Knowing you’re loved:
My dad sits next to me to watch his football games and shares his snack.

Feeling loved:
My dad watches my favorite shows and shares my snack.

Be on the lookout for ways you can help your kids feel THEY are loved versus simply knowing they are loved.

This post is originally from Instagram and @juliebravewriter is my account there so come follow along for more conversations like this one!

Give your kids something to brag about!

Let’s break a rule. You get to go first.

Put what YOU want to do first tomorrow. Just for a day. Just do your One Thing that makes you a little bit excited.

What Is That Thing?

Can you do it right in front of your kids, smack dab in the middle of the day?

Can you say something like:

“I’m making a candle from scratch today. I was reading about it online and I got so interested, I decided to do it. You can play or do whatever you want, but I’ll be over here candle-making.”

Could you say:

“Hey, excuse me while I grab a cup of tea and read this chapter in my book. I have to know what happens next.”

Or maybe say nothing.

What if you turned on the TV, hooked up YouTube, and did yoga right in the middle of the children’s play space, with toys on every side?

Perhaps you make sure you get your run in as you train for that half marathon.

Maybe you start the day with your own copywork—recording your favorite passages from a book or copying French into a notebook as you study it.

Showing Up

For our kids, we talk so much about:

• catalyzing curiosity,
• creating a hunger to learn,
• and encouraging dedication to follow through.

But how are WE living those very values? Not just as a model but as the very life force of our days? How are we showing up and living the beliefs and values we say we have?

Dream, act on a tiny portion of that dream, do it in front of your children (not off stage after they’re in bed).

See what happens!

There’s no tactic that ensures a child will match a parent’s fantasy. There’s only love and trying, over and over—until the child knows they are loved, and the parent knows the child is a unique, wholly separate person.

If you missed Part One, here it is.

The Trying: every tip, trick, and attempt to grow your child into a kind, mature, responsible adult.

The Love: your pleasure and pride in your children.

Children Grow Away from You

Children grow away in fury, in peace, in their own way, at their own pace.

We send them into their futures with our favorite souvenirs:

• confidence,
• an education,
• kindness,
• diligence,
• a sense of humor,
• our beliefs,
• our hopes and dreams.

They sort through the gifts and purge the ones they don’t want. They keep the ones they value. They grab some you didn’t want for them.

They become their own people. You get to be their witnesses. You will try again and love them again in this new way.

And that’s how it is for everyone.

There’s only love and trying.

Those two are enough to get you (and your kids) all the way there.

This post is originally from Instagram and @juliebravewriter is my account
so come follow along for more conversations like this one!