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A Brave Writer's Life in Brief

Thoughts from my home to yours

Archive for the ‘Homeschool Advice’ Category

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It’s reinvention time!

It's Reinvention Time in Your Homeschool
Have you ever noticed that you reinvent homeschool every year? You would think, particularly after having one child go through a certain grade level, that when the next child in line hit the same age and stage, you’d have it all dialed. You’d pull out your notes, books, and memories from the first kid… and apply them as a template right over top of the next one!

Yet it rarely works that way.

Instead, the next child comes down the pike and you find yourself doubting the old tricks and books. You’ve since heard of a sparkly new program that teaches itself and you want to try it. This child is so different from the last one that the old way just wouldn’t work.

Sometimes you will be three children in and realize that you never did like that math curriculum and now that you’ve figured it out, you can’t spend ONE MORE DAY looking at that hideously designed book with its awful colors and nonsense explanations, no matter how much you spent on it.

As you grow in your career of home education, you also get smarter. What satisfied you the first year often feels cramped or schooly to the new brave you that sees learning through new eyes. You feel freer to risk, to try avant garde strategies. You stop quantifying the hours of the day and allow yourself to “count” card games and nature hikes as part of your children’s education.

I had a phone call with a mother of nine children, with two of them grown and raising their own kids, say to me that she was unsure what writing program to buy. She’d already successfully reared, homeschooled, and married off two kids yet was not quite sure if she had the best writing plan for the last two kids still at home.

If anyone should be at ease in this home education business, you’d think it would be a mother who could reassure herself that with two successful homeschool grads, she must be doing a good enough job with the tools she’s already got!

But that’s not how it works.

The truth is: we homeschooling parents are on a never-ending campaign to do right by our children.

That means we tirelessly turn over rocks looking for the next best rightest brightest choice for this specific child at this specific stage of life.

Not only that, we’re a part of the equation too. We want to be stimulated.

We look for triggers for our creativity, we feed our learning curve new ideas and philosophies, we expand our sense of fun and imagination, and we want reassurance that we are making measurable progress with our children.

To that end, homeschooling parents reinvent their homeschools every single year.

It’s a part of the warp and woof of this lifestyle. It’s what enables parents to sustain 20 year commitments. It’s what creates tailor-made educations that accommodate the wide-variety of people in our families.

As you spend time researching what you’ll do next year, allow yourself to go on the adventure of reinvention.

Ask yourself 5 questions to stimulate your thinking

1. What works? How do I feel about it?
If it works, you don’t necessarily have to change it. But if it works and you are sick of it or the child is bored or you’re going through the motions, it’s fine to change it up—even if it’s “working” in theory.

2. What’s not working? What can I do about it?
If it’s not working, you may need more than a new book. You may need a whole new perspective or view of how to work with this particular subject. Read about the philosophy of education with regard to this subject area and shift how you see it.

3. What do I wish I were doing that I’m not?
Try doing it – for a month or more – to see! Take a small bite of the apple. You don’t have to go in all the way… yet.

4. What am I doing that I wish I weren’t?
Can you give it up for a week, a month, or reduce it to just a couple times a week? See how that feels?

5. What do my kids wish we were doing that we aren’t?
Get it on the schedule—plan it, do it!

Enjoy reinvention. No guilt. No self-doubt. It’s one of the many great rewards and satisfactions of being a career home educator.

The Homeschool Alliance
Top image by Horia Varlan (cc text added)

Posted in Homeschool Advice | 8 Comments »

Value Your Child’s Voice

Value Your Child's Voice

We talk about writing voice in the writing process quite a bit in Brave Writer. We want the writing your kids do to sound like them—to have their vocabulary, inflection, quirky personality, and sense of humor. We don’t want them to sound like a copy of Aesop or the writer of X, Y, Z curriculum. We don’t want them to produce rote writing where no one can tell who wrote it, so devoid of voice it is.

So we start with freewriting.

But what happens when we give freedom to express and little shows up? What if what we find on the page is lifeless and dull, the utter opposite of what shows up in the bathtub or at an amusement park?

Even worse: what if what shows up really does in fact sound like your child, but it’s lifeless and dull (according to you) and feels like the barest beginnings of original thought?

So let’s back up a step.

“Writing voice” is two words. The real word we want to explore is “voice” all by itself.

Peter Elbow (my writing mentor) describes it this way:

“Most children have real voice but then lose it. It is often just plain loud: like screeching or banging a drum. It can be annoying or wearing for others. ‘Shhh’ is the response we get to the power of real voice.

“But, in addition, much of what we say with real voice is difficult for those around us to deal with: anger, grief, self-pity, even love for the wrong people. When we are hushed up from those expressions, we lose real voice.”

Here’s where we sometimes go wrong as parents. We are busy, our children are young and inexperienced. When they risk saying what they really think in the ways they want to really say what they think, we sometimes move into what I call “civilize the savages” mode. We are more worried about the appearance of what they say than what it is, in fact, they are saying.

If your children develop the habit of shutting down their real ideas, thoughts, preferences, wishes, and dreams around you, they will also turn off “real voice.” Then when you go to writing with them, they will turn to you and expect you to tell them what words ought to fill the page, just like they now wait for you to show them what thoughts are acceptable to say out loud.

Writing is a risk, but so is speaking. We must create space for both the prudent, acceptable, “makes Mama proud” words and the “Oh I hope she doesn’t really feel that way” words. We need to pause and let the rumble of language flow through our kids verbally and they must know that you are interested, receptive, and open-minded enough to hear it (without freaking out) in order for them to find their written voice.

You can start today:

Eye contact and a focused minute of conversation where you really hear what one of your kids is saying is the beginning of fostering an environment where what your child means to say becomes the norm for what is written.

You may have to change your own perceptions of what writing is too. It may be that you use an artificial voice when you write—the one the teacher told you sounded more grown up, or the one that keeps you from being perceived as impolite, or the one you use to project a cheery disposition.

Maybe you don’t even write because the risk feels too great and you avoid it.

Take some time to explore how much space there is in your self, in your children, and in your home to express authentic voice (verbally first, in writing second). See what you can do to expand that space…

Baby steps:

“You look angry—want to tell me about it? Want to yell about it?”

“Your giggly, silliness is cracking me up! I want to be as silly as you!”

“It’s okay to be really sad right now. Tell me about it.”

“I hate that too, sometimes.”

“You are so smart using all those big words!”

“I would love to hear you tell me more about that story! Go for it. I want every tiny detail.” (Instead of insisting on summary)

See what happens… I know for me, I have to put my phone down and walk away from the computer. I also find that it’s easy to tune out my kids when the topic doesn’t interest me or they are struggling to find the words. I have to remind myself to pay attention and to care. You can’t do it every time, but you can do it some of the time, for each child in a rotating way. Be mindful and conscious.


Brave Learner Home

Posted in Brave Writer Philosophy, Homeschool Advice, Writing about Writing | Comments Off on Value Your Child’s Voice

The secret to happy homeschooling is…

The Secret to Happy Homeschooling

…being present.

What it looks like:

  • doing the hard work together
  • creatively exploring subjects (depth investigation, field trips, recording milestones, using art to teach history and history to teach art, science projects, playful writing, using your imagination to create depth experiences that excite you)
  • providing the tools and materials to support your children’s creativity (cameras, computers, iPads, paints, calculators, measuring tape, hammers, digital recorders, Lego, sewing machines, trampolines, binoculars)
  • paying attention to what your children say, do, think, express, feel—and responding in kind
  • learning alongside your children, so that you know as much about Ancient Egypt as they do, you know as much about Degas’s sculptures as your kids do, you know how to divide fractions and spell “serendipity” and play Ultimate Frisbee as well as your children.
  • reading books together, aloud, so you go on the same journey, inhabit the same imaginary world, and share the anxiety and thrill of the narrative as a group, a family.
  • showing your enthusiasm; it’s contagious
  • helping because help, helps
  • talking, talking, talking
  • eating together at the same table or on the same blanket or in the same car or near the same beautiful view.

What gets in the way:

  • expecting independent learning so you don’t have to work so hard
  • trusting a curriculum more than your own philosophy of education
  • putting pressure on your kids to meet expectations set by the state or your spouse or the curriculum or (even) yourself.
  • wishing your homeschooled kids were older or could read already or had mastered their math facts or weren’t so messy, silly, resistant
  • being bored by education
  • homeschooling because you hate the public schools, not because you love learning
  • farming out education to too many tutors, co-ops, and online classes rather than being a home educator
  • “driveschool” – too many hours in the car, not enough at home
  • hating a subject area
  • continuing to homeschool after the spirit and energy of the lifestyle are gone and you (honestly) can’t muster it again
  • homeschooling when grief or family pain are too great (home should be a safe, peaceful space; not a war zone, not a constant reminder of sadness)

The secret to homeschooling is being present—the full you:

  • the happy-to-be-with-your-kids you
  • the invested-in-the-exciting-journey-of-learning you
  • the willing-to-make-the-huge-investment you
  • the empathetic-companion you
  • the creative-confident-in-charge you
  • the researcher-learner-find-the-best-new-ideas you

…the unique you that is the Mom your kids know and adore.

Be present to this moment, to learning right now, to your kids’ experiences and growth today.

Trust your hunches, follow through, take care of yourself (take breaks), and Be There while you home educate.

That’s all it takes.

Which is everything you’ve got.

Image by Olaf Gradin (cc cropped, text added)

Posted in Homeschool Advice | 4 Comments »

Revision is Not Editing

Revision is Not Editing

In Brave Writer, we separate the ideas of revision and editing. Revision is “casting new vision” for the original piece of writing. It’s a “re-imagining” of the original content. You have what you want to say, now you are considering all the various ways it can be said.

Your freewrite/draft is the jet stream of thought. It’s all of it rushing out of the writer onto the page willy-nilly.

Revision is not, now, taking that freewrite/draft and fixing commas or identifying run-on sentences. It’s not addressing tone or spelling mistakes. Those practices fall under the category of “copy-editing.”

Revision is that drastic over-haul type work that literally changes the draft sometimes so completely, the original is hardly recognizable in it any more (except maybe some sentences or the germ of the idea). Revision is where you hunker down and look at specific thoughts expressed insufficiently in the draft, and then determine how to expand them, how to enhance them, how to deepen the content or insight or facts-basis.

Revision IS writing.

In fact, most writers would say that revision is the craft, is the heart of being a writer.

What I find in parents (and even in those who claim to be writing instructors) is a tendency to skip this part of the process. They move right to editing and call it revision.

When asked to give revision notes or support, they draw a blank or they praise what’s good or they give general comments like, “Be sure you think about your audience” or “It’s a good idea to make sure your points are in a solid sequence.”

This kind of general feedback isn’t helpful to writers. What helps is to become a child’s creative partner. What you want to do, what you need to learn how to do, is how to create a dynamic partnership of idea generation.

For instance, you might see a flat-footed opening line (note: they are all flat-footed in the first draft – it’s completely rare that the first line stays the same in well revised writing). Your job isn’t to point out that it is flat-footed or could be revised. It isn’t to assign the task of making it better to your child. It’s literally to brainstorm ideas for improvements. Let’s say the child is writing about white water rafting, you might try something like this:

“I wonder how we can make this opening line grab the reader’s attention. Let me think, let me think. What if we start with the experience—Let’s get in the boat. Are you in it? What’s happening now? Close your eyes. What do you see? Blue? What shades?”

You’re jotting things down as they come out of your child’s mouth. Then you say:

“How about the water? I can imagine there’s a spray. Is there? Yes? Where did it hit? What is a water spray like? Does it remind you of anything? Oh good one! The spray of a garden hose when your brother aims it at you. Good one! Yes! Let’s jot that down.”

You’re wool-gathering. You’re collecting

  • images,
  • experiences,
  • thoughts,
  • curiosities,
  • comments,
  • ideas.

You aren’t telling your child what to do. You’re helping your child think freshly about what is already on the page. You are providing the dialog partner the way you would in conversation:

“Then what happened? Oh wait, how did you get there? That must have been amazing! What did your brother say?”

But now, you are focused on writing and you are providing the conversational partnership that your child’s writer needs. You are thinking in writing categories but having discussions about it (natural ones). You aren’t an English teacher. You are an interested friend, partner, ally.

Do you see the difference? Stop the generalizations and get into conversations. Help get those words out.

Then, when you go back to that opening sentence, you have a selection of things to choose from that might grab the reader’s attention. Together, you can find the one and write it in a way that makes magic.


Curious about Brave Writer?

Posted in Brave Writer Philosophy, Homeschool Advice, Language Arts, Writing about Writing | 5 Comments »

Are you a Type A mom?

People First

Do you find it difficult to operate without a checklist? Do you find yourself worried about getting it all done?

On the flip side, do you wish you could be more relaxed, but each time you try, the anxiety rises and you don’t quite relax?

It’s difficult to battle who you are—how you naturally interact with the world. Messy people buy the manuals of the naturally organized thinking they can change if they just have a system. Type A parents want to find a way to relax without feeling like they are lazy.

I say: Work with whatchu got! It’s too hard to do a personality-ectomy! Better to suit your aims to your style.

For instance, if you want to be a more relaxed mom—one who puts the warm fuzzies ahead of the workbooks, change the checklist. See if that helps.

Self-awareness is the first step. Each time you are tempted to push your kids toward what feels like work rather than delight, breathe. Feel your face. Are you smiling? Are your brows furrowing? Get back to connection with your children. Measure your day (checklist) with a new “Type A” criteria.

Check these off as you do them:

__ Hugged each kid

__ Made eye contact with one and had a conversation for 3 minutes

__ Asked questions of my quiet child to find out more about her process, not her work completed.

__ Played a game.

__ Took a walk.

__ Cultivated silliness (silly voice, body, jokes, puns, dance moves).

__ Put on music.

__ Smiled at my children, each one, at least once.

__ Gave 5 compliments.

__ Ate tasty foods and noticed the flavors.

__ Let everyone stop “working” sooner than they expected.

__ Did someone’s task for them.

__ Sat next to my child during her hardest subject until she finished it, offering encouragements.

__ Gave myself and kids permission to NOT do a boring chapter of the workbook.

__ Left a mess so my children could return to it later to finish the art project or the Lego build or the play fort.

What if you had a check list like that? Would that help you be a Type A mom who is also more fun?

Try that for a couple of days and see if you find a new groove for your careful personality—one that measures and values connection, over work completed. (You are likely to still get all the work done – that’s who you are! But now you’ll make room for the other stuff you wish you would do more spontaneously.)

Good luck!

A Gracious Space

Image by Betsy Weber (cc)

Posted in Homeschool Advice, On Being a Mother | 1 Comment »

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