We have two options when our kids struggle: to relieve the pressure to perform—taking a break, slowing down, lowering expectations; or to offer support—partnering with the child, trying a new strategy, providing more resources.
Most of us have a natural response to struggle—to back away or to push through. Our kids get to know our default practices. Sometimes what worked before stops working—the child needs a fresh approach. For instance a child who keeps backing away from challenge may benefit from your strength to say: “You can do it! I’m here to help.”
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Whereas if your child is used to you pushing and cheerleading to get beyond the struggle, it may be a welcome relief to hear you say, “Let’s come back to this next week.”
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If you tend to be the parent who typically relieves pressure, experiment with holding space for struggle. Consider
- partnering,
- not giving up,
- trying new strategies,
- offering faith in your child’s strength and ability to meet a challenge.
If you’re the kind of parent that typically provides support for overcoming challenge, experiment with
- giving your child a break,
- slowing the pace,
- doing fewer problems,
- going down to an easier level for a little while longer.
These are the two options. Pick one; see what happens. If you hit a wall, try the other! It’s okay to play around with these tools. That’s how you discover what your child needs to thrive.
This post is originally from Instagram and @juliebravewriter is my account there so come follow along for more conversations like this one!
