It seems the spirit of the age is that parents ought to take control of their children’s lives because the parent knows best and the world is dangerous.
Yet the child knows best what their interior life feels like. Most kids want to have a good and happy life (believe me—didn’t you?). They are not out to get away with anything.
Your children are learning what is good for them and what isn’t. They cannot always know that on their own.
We’ve forgotten the inner child cry—“I know things! I’m not a bad person. I want to be happy!” We can start here with optimism rather than scrutiny and fear.
We don’t have to…
- treat our children like they’re lying to us or are bent on their own self-destruction.
- lead with suspicion or treating our children’s desires as frightening to us.
- shame them or blame them for wanting what we decided was bad for them (more computer time, extra candy, staying up late, climbing an eight foot wall).
If we start with curiosity and kindness while showing interest in how a child wants to assemble their lives, we may find ideas that help both them and us thrive.
It’s hard for kids to trust their parents when kids feel they aren’t seen as trustworthy themselves.
I wrote a whole book called The Brave Learner to help you find meaningful ways to connect with your children, while trusting them and leading them into a great life that they will enjoy and you will feel good about.




















