A Brave Writer's Life in Brief

There’s no tactic that ensures a child will match a parent’s fantasy. There’s only love and trying, over and over—until the child knows they are loved, and the parent knows the child is a unique, wholly separate person. Give up notions of perfection.

I’m not a perfectionist. I mean, my house was two parts loose shoes down the hallway and one part missing math books while I raised my five kids.

I explained this passionately to my therapist who had just accused me of “perfectionism.”

I even pulled out my phone and showed him photographic evidence of the chaos that proved I was a relaxed, mess-loving mom who indulged her kids’ flights of creativity despite the empty pretzel bags.

He paused and looked at me: “Julie, you’re a perfectionist in your relationships.”

[A moment of silence as that shocking fact sinks in.]

A perfectionist in my relationships.

Um: guilty!

That meant I wasn’t ever okay if my people were unhappy or moody or tired or angry. My out of order relationship felt to me like a cluttered counter to a tidy mother. I got busy organizing feelings, responding with hugs, thinking about how to be a better mother to this child right now.

I had this unrealistic (invisible) belief that I could achieve a relationship utopia—a mutually affirming, kind, harmonious day-to-day peace—forever—with all the people I love—never uttering the stray, wrong word.

Turns out: exhausting and impossible. Each day is fresh, each experience is original. A responsive parent is one who can handle the clutter of sadness or frustration, who isn’t undone by a moment where the connection to a child falters. It’s like getting comfortable with the messy art table. Relationships are messy.

All we really have IS love and trying.

Loving the person, the messy feelings and home, trying to be aware enough to grow and recover when we forget. That’s it.

And it turns out? It’s enough.

Here’s Part Two.

This post is originally from Instagram and @juliebravewriter is my account
so come follow along for more conversations like this one!

Your task, as a home educator, isn’t to cram a bunch of information into your kids’ heads. The goal is to create space for exploration of the mind’s capacities. Engage the brain.

The mind is more than a storage bin for facts. It’s marvelously adept at processing that information and responding, not merely agreeing. As I wrote in my upcoming book, no one is content to merely know a fact. We want to interpret them!

Kids learn all kinds of skills as you instruct them—whether in academics or household maintenance or personal care. We want to give our kids as many chances to expand how they use their minds as possible in each of those arenas.

One of the dangers of the “obedience” model of parenting is that the requirement to do what a child is told thwarts their mind’s capacity to interpret the meaning of the command and make judgment calls about it.

• Is the request one that should be resisted (in the case of abuse or exploitation, absolutely)?
• Is the request one that needs a modification? To make it easier or more difficult?
• Is the request one where your child hears the requirement (finish the math page) and can say back after allowing the mind to process the request: “I will but I need to go to the bathroom first” or “I’m tired. I need a break” or “I don’t get how the problems work”?

The ability to respond with self awareness to any request is an extraordinary skill to cultivate in your child and bodes well for an independent adult and thinker.

Other mind capacities?

Creativity, analysis, correlation, imagining the impact, empathy, breaking down a complex process into manageable steps, finding humor, expanding vocabulary, asking for help, using tools, making the abstract practical, using what you’ve learned, managing resources, identifying the value of a skill or piece of information…

Less is more here. Fewer items to memorize and more relationship building with the subject area.

Less compliance and more honesty.

Less repeating for the sake of repetition and more comprehension of what the fact/skill/concept contributes to the child’s life and well being.

Engage the brain! Don’t just stuff it with information.

This post is originally from Instagram and @juliebravewriter is my account there so come follow along for more conversations like this one!

Did you fast from caring for a day? Try it!

Now that you’ve taken a much-needed break and discovered that the roof didn’t cave in from a day of neglect, you are ready for the next steps.

Here we go: You can’t coerce the action AND the attitude.

Most of us want our kids to not only DO the thing, but to be happy about it! Sorry. You only get to pick one: the action they resist or their pleasure in doing what they prefer.

If you make your kids do an action they don’t want to do, they will depend on you to:

• carry the energy to remember,
• do it well,
• be consistent,
• be on time.

Ask yourself: How many activities in your child’s life are you willing to monitor and direct without their corresponding enthusiasm? (My guess: if you’re directing all day long, you’re growing resentful.)

The truth is:

Our children can handle about 2-3 requirements from us per day without wilting. So, which things are the most important? Get that list down to a few essentials. Everything else? Negotiable.

Change how you approach the rest of the stuff.

“Child of my heart, I love it when beds are made, clothing is in the hamper, and dishes make it to the dishwasher. Which of those three do you like least, best? Which do you want to skip forever?”

Ask for help. Offer help. Share the task. Leave a note. Do the thing twice a week rather than every day. Skip the awful thing for a month. Ask what your child would prefer to do to the odious chore. Prepare for trips out of the house the night before. Ask your child to do one thing now, wait for child to complete, then the next thing.

Lastly: let them know you have needs/feelings too. Be honest and flexible, kind and firm, responsive and creative.

Drop resentment. And care less.

This post is originally from Instagram and @juliebravewriter is my account there so come follow along for more conversations like this one!

FREE Online Summer Camp!

It’s that time of year again!

Are you feeling it? The overwhelm of a new homeschool year.

So many subjects to cover!
So many curriculum options for each subject!

Let us help you reduce decision fatigue and unlock learning. 

Our day-long camp was packed with useful information about:

• homeschooling
• writing across the curriculum 
• all things Brave Writer

Summer Camp is over (and the discount code has expired) but you can watch the REPLAYS below!

Free Webinars

Online Classes: Writing is the Key to Learning Any Subject

Not only is writing a subject area unto itself, we consider writing the key to unlock learning across the curriculum. Whether science, history, grammar, Shakespeare, art, or current events, online writing classes create the richest and deepest learning experiences in any school subject. Let Kirsten Merryman (Director of Online Classes) show you how.

REPLAY

Brave Learner Home: The Resources and Community You Need

None of us can go it alone. Home education depends on strong support: from friends, and from veteran educators who’ve gone before. Inside Brave Learner Home, the more than 12,000 members have access to ready-made unit studies across the curriculum, a community forum, as well as monthly webinars and classes to help them be effective parent-educators. Join Brave Writer founder, Julie Bogart, to learn more about this homeschooling resource center and community like no other!

REPLAY

For Kids! Author Melissa Wiley Reads Aloud! 

The incomparable Melissa Wiley (children’s novelist and homeschool veteran of six) will read aloud to us! She’s in the middle of her next novel and she is eager to share it with your kids. Melissa has been writing children’s books since 1995, including her Brave Writer featured books, The Prairie Thief and The Nerviest Girl in the World.

REPLAY

Brave Writer Products: Unlocking Learning Through Literature 

Whether fiction, nonfiction, poetry, or fantasy, literature opens doors to a wide range of school subjects and learning adventures. Discover how grammar, punctuation, spelling, and literary devices can be taught naturally, while also inviting children into science, history, math, geography, and imagination. Dawn Smith (Director of Publishing) shares how! 

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Raising Brave Learners and Critical Thinkers

You have what it takes to not only raise great kids, but to bring joy, vitality, and skill to each aspect of learning. Once you understand the interconnections between all the school subjects and the vital role of self-expression in each, you will be ready to naturally guide your children into a cherished childhood and deep educational experience (whether you homeschool or not!). Join Julie Bogart (creator of the Brave Writer program) for a final “send-off” talk to launch your school year.

REPLAY

Special Offer

We have a special offer for you! When you purchase $198.00 worth of curriculum, you will be automatically added to our special homeschool community called: Brave Learner Home. Your qualifying purchase provides you with a lifetime membership!

The entire Brave Writer team is excited to serve you this year.

Get ready for your best homeschool year yet!