Can you imagine having a 16 year old who refuses to write?

This was the predicament of a mother-son pair in my first Brave Writer class that I taught 25 years ago. The mom, a conscientious and organized homeschooler, was fit to be tied. Her 16 year old hated writing, yet wanted to go to college.

Her last ditch effort to change the course of his academic life found its way into my humble, newly created writing program.

I told her—”I’ve got you!”

I thought—Oh no! What it I can’t help him?

Instead of panicking, I taught writing to him the exact same way I taught a new-to-writing small child. I started with this 16 year old’s current skills without judgment.

I began by asking him to name his passion. “Baseball,” he said.

We walked through a process I call the “Topic Funnel” where he whittled down his general love of the sport all the way to his memory of a “perfect catch” in an important game.

Once I knew what he cared most about, I knew we would find his writing voice.

I told his mother:

“Jot down whatever your son says about that catch. Tell him to close his eyes to remember it in detail. Get it all down on paper—even if he goes out of order. Then type his words into the computer and send them to me. I will walk the two of you through each step of revision and editing.”

This mom trusted me.

She did what I asked and a day later, an email pinged my inbox with a full paragraph of this 16 year old’s memory of his best catch ever. It was full of his energy, pride, and joy!

I responded by commenting throughout the little missive. I admired his skill, noticed a well-placed metaphor, honored his natural organization, and I asked follow up questions to draw out more detail.

• “What color blue was the sky?”
• “How did you manage seeing the ball with the sun in your eyes? Did you squint?”
• “Can you tell me more about the sound the bat made when the player connected to the ball?”
• “What did you feel in your body when the ball thunked in your glove?”
• “Who was proud of you?”
• “How did your team react?”

Our 16 year old struggling writer eagerly responded to these curious questions. He dictated his thoughts again. His mother jotted them down, thrilled to see her son rise to the occasion.

We went through several rounds of revision. The son became more and more interested in getting the language just right.

When the class finished, our baseball player was startled to realize that the voice and ideas that lived inside him were, in fact, the very words he was supposed to put on the page.

Our teenage writer began his journey the same way a six-year-old will in our program. But the amazing news is this: he sped through the stages of growth in writing in only two years.

This student’s name? Bennett. Bennett went on to college and got an A- in his first composition class only two years later. Today he is married with two kids and is the regional manager of seven states for a major corporation. He writes with ease and competence.

I’ve received a few personal cards and notes from Bennett over the years (and from his mom too!) thanking me for that remarkable turn around we engineered in only six short weeks.

Once I saw his success, I knew I had something that would work for others too.

Growing Brave Writers

Our easy-to-use guide called Growing Brave Writers has all the tools and practices I used way back in the year 2000 (25 years we’ve been at this!) and a slew more!

You can give your kids the gift of confidence and joy in writing, just like I did for Bennett.

Don’t wait until your child is a teenager and hates writing.

Start now.

Invest in your child’s academic success, yes, but also their self confidence in self-expression!

It’s never too late!

If you’re anything like me, you want life to be smooth sailing and believe it to be possible! But I’ve noticed that in the darkest hours, that’s when I hear my own voice and all the unspoken words that now must be faced.

I heard a speaker call this experience the unsolicited gift of despair. When you reach the end of your rope, the good news is there’s no more rope. It’s the realization that you can’t salvage your life or anyone else’s. You get to make a new (scary) choice.

So on the day your nerve fails, your children break your heart, and you’re out of energy for other people’s nonsense, you’re nearer to your breakthrough than you imagine. Throw it all out: the plans, the beliefs, the expectations, and put your peace first.

Take one step

Plan one thing today that feels like chicken noodle soup, a cozy blanket, a long hug.

• Book time with a therapist.
• Take a class.
• Spend a weekend alone.

Let your peace of mind be your guide—even if it takes you in what you have always been told are scary directions. You’ll know you are on course when you can breathe, when you aren’t looking over your shoulder, when you smile, when you glimpse a future you want to have.

In other words: your despair is the first clue that a new, different life is possible.

You don’t have to move quickly. Keep going in the direction of: joy, rest, confidence, relief, safety, curiosity.

You don’t have to do it alone!

There are so many communities that offer you tools designed to support you. I’ve written books and we have a membership community called Brave Learner Home if your struggle is related to homeschooling.

No matter what, you have the strength, courage, and wisdom to trust that something new can emerge.

Rooting for you always.

PS: If this message stops you in your tracks, start by pausing and writing your thoughts. You can take a match to the paper later. Write the wrong thing and let yourself know your truest thoughts. You’ll be okay.