Julie's Life Archives - Page 9 of 17 - A Brave Writer's Life in Brief A Brave Writer's Life in Brief
  • Start Here
    • For Families
      Multiple Ages
    • Ages 5-7
      Beginning Writers
    • Ages 8-10
      Emerging Writers
    • Ages 11-12
      Middle School Writers
    • Ages 13-14
      High School Writers
    • Ages 15-18
      College Prep Writers
  • Shop
    • Product Collections
    • Bundles
    • Writing Instruction Manuals
    • Literature & Grammar/Punctuation
    • Composition Formats
    • Literature Singles
    • Homeschool Help
    • Fall Conference
  • Online Classes
    • Class Descriptions
    • Class Schedule
    • Classroom
    • How Our Classes Work
    • Our Writing Coaches
    • Classes FAQ
  • Community
    • Brave Learner Home
    • Blog
    • Podcast
    • Calendar
    • Brave Writer's Day Off
  • Cart
  • My Account
    • My Online Classes
    • My Account
  • My Account
    • My Online Classes
    • My Account
  • Start Here

    If you’re new to Brave Writer, or are looking for the best products for your child or family, choose from below:

    • For Families
      Multiple Ages
    • Ages 5-7
      Beginning Writers
    • Ages 8-10
      Emerging Writers
    • Ages 11-12
      Middle School Writers
    • Ages 13-14
      High School Writers
    • Ages 15-18
      College Prep Writers
  • Shop

    If you’re already familiar with Brave Writer products, go directly to what you’re looking for:

    • Product Collections Browse the full catalog in our shop
    • Bundles Everything you need to get started
    • Writing Instruction Manuals Foundational Writing Programs
    • Literature & Grammar/Punctuation Grammar, Punctuation, Spelling & Literary Devices
    • Composition Formats Writing Assignments for Every Age
    • Literature Singles Individual Literature Handbooks
    • Homeschool Help Homeschooling Tools and Resources
    • Fall Conference Brave Writer’s Homeschool Conference in Cincinnati, OH
  • Online Classes
    • Class Descriptions
    • Class Schedule
    • Classroom
    • How Our Classes Work
    • Our Writing Coaches
    • Classes FAQ
  • Community
    • Brave Learner Home
    • Blog
    • Podcast
    • Calendar
    • Brave Writer's Day Off
  • Search
  • Cart

Search Bravewriter.com

  • Home
  • Blog

A Brave Writer's Life in Brief

Thoughts from my home to yours

Archive for the ‘Julie’s Life’ Category

« Older Entries
Newer Entries »

If You’ve got a Passel of Kids

Homeschooling a Large FamilyBogart Kids, 1999

What I did when I homeschooled my five: I kept us all together as much as possible! Here’s how.

We started our days together every day. We spent one hour of the morning reading.

  • Devotional literature
  • Non Fiction (like books about nature or tanks or world religions or geography or the weather or how to make films…)
  • Aesop’s Fables or Greek myths (we did one of these each day for years)
  • Read Aloud (whatever novel we were reading as a group)
  • History book (we used a variety of narrative history texts over the years, not history textbooks)
  • Poetry (not every day, but many days—this is when we’d memorize poems together)

The kids usually knitted, or played with Legos or blocks while I read.

When we finished what we called Read Aloud Time, we would move to the table for math pages and copywork. These were usually according to level, but we did them all at once so that I could be in “math mind” or “writing mind” and not go back and forth.

Sometimes copywork came first, and usually passages were pulled from the same book, but different lengths per kid. Sometimes they picked their own copywork passages. New-to-writing kids used handwriting books.

Then we’d work on our history all together—same topic, same era. This might include preparing little oral reports or acting out a scene of history. It might include captioning an illustration of the reading of the morning or making maps or artifacts from that era. Sometimes we prepared a party to go with the era of history.

If we were working on a writing project, we all worked on the same topics or same concept for writing (posters – everyone, mini books – everyone, freewriting – everyone). Each child would write naturally at his or her level. It’s not like I had to drum up a brand new idea for each child each week. So exhausting! When we wrote descriptive paragraphs, we were all observing and note-taking and talking about our items at once, with me superintending. I didn’t create a project for each child, unique to that child.

Poetry Teatimes were always done as a group, poetry books of all levels available. I brought my adult poetry books to the table so I could share poems I found meaningful, even if above their level. I felt that was the best way to introduce them to some of the more challenging poets.

Then we might take a hike or kick a soccer ball in the yard or watch a movie or go to the store or to an art museum or the library…

The rhythm of our days was not determined by grade level. Rather, it was shaped by topics—each child would naturally perform at his or her level. That’s where “grade level” revealed itself. But I didn’t cater to it or pay it much notice, honestly.

It’s a shift in thinking. You are a one-room school house. You want to make the most of that environment. Create learning opportunities that call all of you together. Your older kids will inspire your younger ones, your younger ones will cheer up your older ones (and make them feel smart). They can work together, helping each other out, and making suggestions. They provide great audiences for one another too!


Brave Writer Family Writing Classes

Posted in Homeschool Advice, Julie's Life | 6 Comments »

It Really Does Go by Quickly

Kids_YoungerNoah, Johannah, Caitrin, Liam, and Jacob

When you are in the middle of the muddle (five kids under 9, all under foot), it doesn’t seem possible that you will one day emerge as a woman who will drive to a supermarket alone, buy herself a cafe latte, and stroll through the aisles putting juice and cookies in the cart—items never considered when seven people would devour them in fifteen minutes flat.

There are years where sleep is optional and comes in snatches between bed-wettings and breast feeding, uncomfortable belly bumps and night terrors. Sometimes insomnia strikes on the one night everyone sleeps through. Ah the cruelty. Ah the endless sleeplessness.

You live with an enormous amount of pressure to make it all work:

  • The stuffed bedrooms of two and three children sharing a space not big enough for one let alone two or three
  • The disarray of shoes with matches and mismatches and no time to sort out if you have pairs or not
  • The endless trade of strep throat cultures from toothbrush to toothbrush all winter long
  • The hotel-stays with children sprawled all over the floor to save precious dollars
  • The attempt to be at all soccer, lacrosse, baseball, and basketball games for multiple children with one car and a husband working on Saturday mornings
  • All ballet, band, Shakespeare, theater, vintage dance, and guard rehearsals and performances, sometimes on the same nights
  • All art and science fairs
  • All co-op and homeschool support group meetings (while finding childcare)
  • Saving money from grocery budgets or making trades for tutoring or online classes
  • Working part time with a newborn in your arms
  • Being so sick yet homeschooling anyway
  • Moving across the country in the middle of the school year and praying your children won’t be behind at the end of it
  • Unknotting tangled hair through tears
  • Giving haircuts to boys without any training
  • Living with a kitchen the size of a postage stamp
  • Never updating furniture, hairstyles, or wardrobes for years at a time…

You do it with energy and optimism (most of the time), right in the middle of your marital challenges, work pressures, and postpartum depression.

Your kids keep growing up despite your best and worst efforts.

Suddenly, one of them…goes! Right out the door and you’re packing his room into cardboard boxes…and the fact that you can see the floor for the first time in four years is cold comfort, while you hug this man-child and worry about him in new ways and he leaves, unaware of the big hole he leaves behind in the fabric of this family.

Then the next one: bam! She picks her duvet and laptop covers, drives 100 miles, and never returns…not really ever in the same way.

At the same rate they were born, they leave. Every two years like clockwork—while you try to stay present to the ones still home, still needing all that devoted attention. But a piece of you moves out each time the next one packs a box and finds a new bed. You suffer a little even as you gain old “pre-children” liberties long forgotten.

One day, when you least expect it (only you have expected it for 20+ years), you look up and know (really know) that you are at the end of this long journey called “stay-at-home parenting.” It happens when the last one is still at home, but receives her acceptance to college. It happens when your first one graduates from college. It happens when one of your children marries. It happens whether you want it to or not.

There’s no turning back the clock and all the hard things (the years that felt unending and tiring and overwhelming and difficult) are finished. Just. Like. That. What remains is this air-from-your-lungs-stealing awareness that you can never go back.

But oh how the good memories take over! Like a flood! Suddenly it’s as though your children were the most amazing people ever…because they were (and are), all along. You knew it! That’s why you stayed home with them. Those memories are warm comfort. They are the ones that matter. The long years seem incredibly brief in that light. Part of you wants those years back (oh the insanity!).

When you get to the end of your “small children under foot rope,” hold on. Do the best you can in that moment and remind yourself that there will be a day you will wish yourself back to this very moment, missing the immediacy of your family and their needs. The end will come suddenly, with finality. Then you will know what all these little moments really mean. They are the moments of your life—what you grew up to be and do (among other things, but maybe none so important as this thing—this ‘loving your children’ thing). Your life, written in your all-day-long shared experiences with your children. How lucky we are!

I wish you strength for the journey so you will know the joy of the memories in days ahead.

I’m nearly to the end of my journey. How I’ve loved it.

Kids OlderCelebrating Liam’s high school graduation

Posted in Julie's Life, Parenting | 14 Comments »

The hardest part is apologizing

Jacob GraduationJacob’s graduation party, 2010

Listening when you are the target of someone’s angst or negative energy takes grit. You have to hold on through the discomfort to try to hear the words. Then you have to drop your defenses and find a way to match the intensity of the hurt one, recognizing the risk taken to tell you a painful “truth” (their truth, not THE truth).

I remember when Jacob, in 11th grade, told me that he regretted ever being homeschooled. He was convinced that that path had impaired his development in math, he thought I had been inattentive due to my philosophy of unschooling (not planning work for him to “do”), and he worried that he would not be able to “catch up” to his peers (whatever that meant to him at the time). He told me his disappointments in me and home education over an expensive Italian dinner I was paying for. He told his feelings to me with some intensity, and anxiety that he would push too far.

I sucked on a noodle. I breathed. I wanted him to know I had heard him. He didn’t choose to be homeschooled. He happened to emerge from the womb into a family that had already decided to home educate. It was a done deal before the placenta had even detached!

As he aged, what choice did he really have about his education? I was busy reading books, writing passionate posts to message boards, and cultivating a philosophy of education while he played with swords and dress up clothes, learned his ABC’s, and happily filled in workbooks.

As my philosophy evolved, so did our homeschool. I announced my grand unschool experiment over a family brunch one mid-week morning. Jon and I enthused about the opportunity to learn “whatever you want” with parental support and companionship. The toddler didn’t know what we were talking about. Two of the kids threw parties on the spot. Two of them panicked. Jacob was one of the panickers. What would happen to his education? Would he still learn?

After a couple of years of this unschooling lifestyle, Jacob asked to go to high school fulltime. Our first kid to want to. We accommodated and within two years, I found myself staring across a candlelit table at an emotional junior in high school who was explaining to me my failings as a mother.

Yeah—it’s hard to take it. But I had to. I had to for him. He should get to evaluate his childhood. Heck, I’ve evaluated mine! That’s what we all do. When that moment arrives, what we all need is a parent bigger than the eruption, bigger than the judgment passed, to take it. We want a parent who hears how it actually felt to be the kid in that circumstance, under that parent’s care.

The moment had come. I owed Jacob an apology—not for making a mistake, not for failing him, not for being a poor home educator. I didn’t believe any of that to be true, so I couldn’t apologize for that.

But what I could and did say went something like this:

“I’m sorry you felt like I abandoned your education when we chose to unschool. I’m sorry I didn’t see how alone you felt, how much you preferred structure to what I saw as a grand educational vision. I’m sorry, too, that you didn’t have a say in your education until high school. Sadly, it’s that way for all kids. They typically do follow the educational choices of the parents—no matter what path they choose and offer. How frustrating that must be to you to see that we chose such a different path than the one you are on now.”

I went on. I wanted him to know that I didn’t need him to defend homeschooling or to prefer it to his current schooling. I didn’t need him to homeschool his own future kids. I didn’t even need him to appreciate what I saw as gifts to his education that he gained through homeschooling, even if he couldn’t see them or didn’t or wouldn’t ever.

All I wanted him to know was that I “got it.” He was disappointed in his past education at my hands, and worried about his future in education because of it.

“I’m sorry” only began to cover it.

I did add one thing once I felt he had heard my apology. I told Jacob: “Even if it isn’t now, I do hope that some day, even if you continue to judge homeschooling as inadequate for educating your young, you will be able to at least understand my process—why I took that risk, why I believed in homeschooling, why I made a deliberate conscientious choice to buck the system and keep you kids home.”

He accepted that comment.

It’s been five years since that dinner. Jacob’s academic career is a rocket jet. He’s not been held back in the least by home education. But even more—he came to a much more rapid awareness of how it created the person he is today than I expected. I’m grateful, and humbled.

We can discuss this painful passage now because I took it then (and because he had the courage to risk telling me the truth).

I share this story because I’m aware of how difficult it is to simply stand in the strength of your choices while being blown back by the strength of a child’s disapproval of your decisions. Is there anything harder to hear? Anything you want more to defend against?

The most difficult part is the apology. It feels like you are denying your most deeply held convictions. But you’re not. You’re honoring the most deeply felt experiences of your child—the ones presenting themselves today (not for all time).

If you can hang in through the recounting of pain, if you can validate the perceptions by simply accepting them, and if you can then offer a sincere “I’m sorry,” you may be able to create space for new experiences and insights to grow…for both of you!

I did learn, too. Some of my decisions were not as well-conceived as others and I have reports from my kids that help me know which ones were mistakes.

It’s okay to admit that. I don’t have to defend every homeschooling decision I’ve ever made as the best one. We take risks. Some work out better than others.

Life is just like that!

We do the best we can, at the time, and adjust when we know to adjust. That’s all any of us do.

Go forth and apologize without fear. It’s good for all concerned.

Cross-posted on facebook.

Posted in Homeschool Advice, Julie's Life | 3 Comments »

Sunshine does the soul good

Surfing in San OnofreSurfing in San Onofre

I grew up inland from Malibu so it’s not surprising that I am addicted to the sun. For the past 15 years, I’ve lived in Ohio where the sun makes few appearances between December and the end of February. That’s a long slog for a sun worshiper like me!

This week I’m reconnecting with my parents, siblings, aunt, and a few close friends in Los Angeles. My mom turned 75 years old and my sister, brother, and I took her to a B&B and the Getty Museum. Lots of fun! (Click on the links for photos.)

Fortunately for me, So Cal is having unseasonably warm weather and blue skies. Meanwhile back home, Ohio has inches upon inches of snow.

I am doing my best to keep up with email this week, but if you don’t hear from me as quickly as you are used to, resend. I will try to get back to you ASAP.

There’s a metaphor in here somewhere about finding your happy place in the middle of winter; of keeping connections to your roots; of standing still in the sun soaking it up against the longer bleak days of snow and gray. But I won’t clock you over the head with it. (Maybe I just did.)

Mostly this was a serendipitous trip to family (love), the beach (ahhh!), and my favorite city: Los Angeles.

Grateful.

I’m noticing that our retreat is continuing to pull in registrations. Woo hoo! I’m so looking forward to it. I hope you find a way to join me.

More homeschool support to come; once the sun clears the fuzzies in my head.

–Julie

Early morning sunEarly morning sun at Santa Monica Beach

Cross-posted on facebook.

Posted in Julie's Life | Comments Off on Sunshine does the soul good

“Make peace with the peace.” ~Susan Elliott

Julie_PeacePhoto: September, 2009

I remember when I first read those words: “Make peace with the peace.”

I paused. I took stock of my life. I felt something new: an unfamiliar quietness. I didn’t know if I liked it.

I wondered: “Am I used to swirling chaos and striving? Do I depend on swooping emotions to feel alive? When things go well, do I throw a wrench into the system so I have something new to work on?”

After a particularly productive, and yet conversely, challenging period in my life, I entered a state of calm (it felt like the first sustained calm in years). Time moved molasses-slow, the days stretched taffy-long in front of me.

I felt (dare I admit it?) a little bored, even.

“Make peace with the peace.” Susan went on: “This is the sound of your life working.”

Oh.

That’s what that was.

I had grown accustomed to “surprise attack” living—Wham! worry to worry, need to need, conflict to conflict.

“Make peace with the peace.”

It’s been four years since I read those words. I nearly tattooed them on my wrist at the time. I wanted that problem—that being okay with a peaceful life was the biggest hurdle of the day.

I had spent so many of my adult years working hard to “get it right.” Even when things were “right,” I sometimes fell prey to the feeling, “If this is good, more or different will be better.”

Homeschool curriculum discussion is exactly like that. You might be swimming along, peacefully, calmly, free of chaos and drama, watching your children execute their lessons, only to read one online discussion about a brand new program with a much better philosophy, and bam! You’re plunged into anxiety about whether or not what you are using is “working” after all!

“Make peace with the peace.”

When you aren’t worked up and worried, that’s the sound of your life working.

When you aren’t lying awake in bed wondering if you can squeeze nickels from the grocery budget for the brand new math app for the iPad, that’s the sound of your life working.

When you look forward to your spouse coming home (rather than dreading it), that’s the sound of your life working.

When you notice your children doing what they should, when they should, without ire—that’s the sound of your life working.

If you’re mildly bored (have time to stare out a window while rinsing dishes or fantasize about a new master bath while reading aloud to the kids), that’s evidence that there is margin—space—in your world. You are free of the pressure to perform, you are free to live the life you’ve created without obsessing about it or analyzing it or exerting yourself to “make it better.”

We all say we want peace: peaceful homes, marriages, relationships with our children.

When our wish is granted, do we welcome it? Or do we look under the cushions for worries to keep us company? Do we rescue a fear from drowning by reviving it, and keeping it alive?

Anxiety, control, fear of the unknown, anger, upping the ante, micromanaging the space, shouting, pressure, pretending, and relational strife—it’s hard to let go of these long-standing habits. The powerful emotions evoked told you that you were vitally alive, even if you also felt depressed, sick to your stomach, and angry.

The good life is one with deep emotions, too—but peace calls forth appreciation, patience, gratitude, awareness of the passing moment, calm, trust, intuition, gentleness, and bonding (love)…and little to no drama.

“Make peace with the peace. This is the sound of your life working.”

Cross-posted on facebook.

Posted in Homeschool Advice, Julie's Life | Comments Off on “Make peace with the peace.” ~Susan Elliott

« Older Entries
Newer Entries »
  • Search the Blog

  • Julie Bogart
  • Welcome, I’m Julie Bogart.

    I’m a homeschooling alum -17 years, five kids. Now I run Brave Writer, the online writing and language arts program for families. More >>

    IMPORTANT: Please read our Privacy Policy.

  • New to Brave Writer? START HERE

  • FREE Resources

    • 7-Day Writing Blitz
    • Brave Writer Lifestyle Program
    • Brave Writer Sampler: Free Sample Products
    • Freewriting Prompts
    • Podcasts
  • Popular Posts

    • You have time
    • How writing is like sewing
    • Best curriculum for a 6 year old
    • Today's little unspoken homeschool secret
    • Do you like to homeschool?
    • Don't trust the schedule
    • You want to do a good job parenting?
    • If you've got a passel of kids
    • You are not a teacher
    • Natural Stages of Growth in Writing podcasts
  • Blog Topics

    • Brave Learner Home
    • Brave Writer Lifestyle
    • Classes
    • Contests/Giveaways
    • Friday Freewrite
    • High School
    • Homeschool Advice
    • Julie's Life
    • Language Arts
    • Movie Wednesday
    • Natural Stages of Growth
    • One Thing Principle
    • Our Team
    • Parenting
    • Philosophy of Education
    • Podcasts
    • Poetry Teatime
    • Products
    • Reviews
    • Speaking Schedule
    • Students
    • Writing about Writing
    • Young Writers
  • Archives

  • Brave Writer is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees (at no extra cost to you) by advertising and linking to amazon.com

    Content © Brave Writer unless otherwise stated.

What is Brave Writer?

  • Welcome to Brave Writer
  • Why Brave Writer Works
  • About Julie
  • Brave Writer Values
  • Frequently Asked Questions
  • Speaking Schedule

Brave Writer Program

  • Getting Started!
  • Stages of Growth in Writing
  • The Brave Writer Program
  • For Families and Students
  • Online Classes
  • Brave Writer Lifestyle

…and More!

  • Blog
  • Classroom
  • Store
  • Books in Brave Writer Programs
  • Contact Us
  • Customer Service
© 2025 Brave Writer
Privacy Policy
Children's Privacy Policy
Help Center