Podcast: Raising Spicy Kids! with Mary Van Geffen - A Brave Writer's Life in Brief A Brave Writer's Life in Brief
  • Start Here
    • For Families
      Multiple Ages
    • Ages 5-7
      Beginning Writers
    • Ages 8-10
      Emerging Writers
    • Ages 11-12
      Middle School Writers
    • Ages 13-14
      High School Writers
    • Ages 15-18
      College Prep Writers
  • Digital Products
    • Core Products
    • Bundles
    • Literature Singles
    • Practice Pages
    • Homeschool Help
    • Special Offers
  • Online Classes
    • Class Descriptions
    • Class Schedule
    • Classroom
    • How Our Classes Work
    • Our Writing Coaches
    • Classes FAQ
  • Community
    • Brave Learner Home
    • Blog
    • Podcast
    • Calendar
    • Brave Writer's Day Off
  • Cart
  • My Account
    • My Online Classes
    • My Account
  • My Account
    • My Online Classes
    • My Account
  • Start Here

    If you’re new to Brave Writer, or are looking for the best products for your child or family, choose from below:

    • For Families
      Multiple Ages
    • Ages 5-7
      Beginning Writers
    • Ages 8-10
      Emerging Writers
    • Ages 11-12
      Middle School Writers
    • Ages 13-14
      High School Writers
    • Ages 15-18
      College Prep Writers
  • Digital Products

    If you’re already familiar with Brave Writer products, go directly to what you’re looking for:

    • Core Products
    • Bundles
    • Literature Singles
    • Practice Pages
    • Homeschool Help
    • Special Offers
  • Online Classes
    • Class Descriptions
    • Class Schedule
    • Classroom
    • How Our Classes Work
    • Our Writing Coaches
    • Classes FAQ
  • Community
    • Brave Learner Home
    • Blog
    • Podcast
    • Calendar
    • Brave Writer's Day Off
  • Search
  • Cart

Search Bravewriter.com

  • Home
  • Blog

A Brave Writer's Life in Brief

Thoughts from my home to yours

Podcast: Raising Spicy Kids! with Mary Van Geffen

Brave Writer Podcast

Mary Van Geffen is an international coaching expert for parents of “spicy ones.” She helps people who are highly competent in life but overwhelmed by the challenges of parenting to lean into the discipline of staying calm. She helps them cultivate warmth and tenderness, all while trying to wrangle the fiery future of their tiny future CEOs.

On today’s Brave Writer podcast, we discuss what it means to have or be a spicy child, and how parents can best react to these spirited young ones.

Show Notes

What is a spicy one?

Spicy can mean a number of things — besides the obvious food connotation.

It can be used to describe a child’s temperament when they express themselves in big and dramatic ways.

  • These kids aren’t afraid to take up space;
  • they’re constantly moving;
  • they hurt others unintentionally;
  • they feel things intensely;
  • they go from zero to ten instantly;
  • they’re louder than is appropriate;
  • and they have a zest for life.

They can also use powerful language that can wound or delight. They’re often very aware of other people’s feelings but can also exhibit a lack of perception of others’ feelings. They powerfully negotiate, all the way up until they lose hope and they melt down.

They’re comfortable setting boundaries with adults and staying true to themselves. They’re also highly sensitive and observant. They can’t be consoled physically. They’re also incredibly sweet, caring, and loving. In other words: They’re a lot.

Whether or not a child is spicy is determined by the parent — it’s not diagnosable. It can be impacted specifically by the relationship between parent and child and what the parent is bringing to the table. Many children whose parents say are spicy are also neurodivergent — up to 50% in a poll of Mary’s Instagram followers. And of children with some neurodivergent diagnosis, 80% of parents found the experience to be spicy. So while it doesn’t have to be a diagnosis, that really does make things spicy, doesn’t it?

What does it look like to be a good parent to a spicy child?

Prizing connection over control. It’s not about fixing the situation or motivating our kids. It can just be about connecting with them.

But what do you do when you absolutely need compliance? When what a child is doing is unsafe or you’re on a time schedule? You practice “connect before you direct.”

Spicy kids aren’t immediately won over by your words — you have to get them to buy into your vision and have their own leadership autonomy in that vision. They want to be the CEO, so rather than demoting them, let’s promote them and let their ideas have space.

Some of these kids aren’t misbehaving, they’re just in their own minds. Rather than choosing to ignore your directions, they may not have heard it at all. To get their full attention you have to give your full attention — no multitasking. Bring your body close to theirs, slow them down, and bring them along with your directions.

If there’s one overarching principle to come away with, it’s that you’re doing things right if you are focused on connection over control.

Resources

  • Mary’s website: maryvangeffen.com
  • Mary’s Instagram: @maryvangeffen
  • Sign up for our Text Message Pod Ring to get podcast updates and more!
  • Want help getting started with Brave Writer? Head over to bravewriter.com/getting-started
  • Sign up for the Brave Writer newsletter to learn about all of the special offers we’re doing in 2022 and you’ll get a free seven-day Writing Blitz guide just for signing up: https://go.bravewriter.com/writing-blitz

Connect with Julie

  • Instagram: instagram.com/juliebravewriter
  • Twitter: twitter.com/bravewriter
  • Facebook: facebook.com/bravewriter
Brave Writer Podcast

This entry is filed under Podcasts. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.

« Podcast: Why a Brave Writer Writing Class Works! with Kirsten Merryman
Friday Freewrite: Lessons »

Comments are closed.

  • Search the Blog

  • Julie Bogart
  • Welcome, I’m Julie Bogart.

    I’m a homeschooling alum -17 years, five kids. Now I run Brave Writer, the online writing and language arts program for families. More >>

    IMPORTANT: Please read our Privacy Policy.

  • New to Brave Writer? START HERE

  • FREE Resources

    • 7-Day Writing Blitz
    • Brave Writer Lifestyle Program
    • Brave Writer Sampler: Free Sample Products
    • Freewriting Prompts
    • Podcasts
  • Popular Posts

    • You have time
    • How writing is like sewing
    • Best curriculum for a 6 year old
    • Today's little unspoken homeschool secret
    • Do you like to homeschool?
    • Don't trust the schedule
    • You want to do a good job parenting?
    • If you've got a passel of kids
    • You are not a teacher
    • Natural Stages of Growth in Writing podcasts
  • Blog Topics

    • Brave Learner Home
    • Brave Writer Lifestyle
    • Classes
    • Contests/Giveaways
    • Friday Freewrite
    • High School
    • Homeschool Advice
    • Julie's Life
    • Language Arts
    • Movie Wednesday
    • Natural Stages of Growth
    • One Thing Principle
    • Our Team
    • Parenting
    • Philosophy of Education
    • Podcasts
    • Poetry Teatime
    • Products
    • Reviews
    • Speaking Schedule
    • Students
    • Writing about Writing
    • Young Writers
  • Archives

  • Brave Writer is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees (at no extra cost to you) by advertising and linking to amazon.com

    Content © Brave Writer unless otherwise stated.

What is Brave Writer?

  • Welcome to Brave Writer
  • Why Brave Writer Works
  • About Julie
  • Brave Writer Values
  • Frequently Asked Questions
  • Speaking Schedule

Brave Writer Program

  • Getting Started!
  • Stages of Growth in Writing
  • The Brave Writer Program
  • For Families and Students
  • Online Classes
  • Brave Writer Lifestyle

…and More!

  • Blog
  • Classroom
  • Store
  • Books in Brave Writer Programs
  • Contact Us
  • Customer Service
© 2025 Brave Writer
Privacy Policy
Children's Privacy Policy
Help Center