Instead of a Command Say: "I Need Help." - A Brave Writer's Life in Brief A Brave Writer's Life in Brief
  • Start Here
    • For Families
      Multiple Ages
    • Ages 5-7
      Beginning Writers
    • Ages 8-10
      Emerging Writers
    • Ages 11-12
      Middle School Writers
    • Ages 13-14
      High School Writers
    • Ages 15-18
      College Prep Writers
  • Digital Products
    • Core Products
    • Bundles
    • Literature Singles
    • Practice Pages
    • Homeschool Help
    • Special Offers
  • Online Classes
    • Class Descriptions
    • Class Schedule
    • Classroom
    • How Our Classes Work
    • Our Writing Coaches
    • Classes FAQ
  • Community
    • Brave Learner Home
    • Blog
    • Podcast
    • Calendar
    • Brave Writer's Day Off
  • Cart
  • My Account
    • My Online Classes
    • My Account
  • My Account
    • My Online Classes
    • My Account
  • Start Here

    If you’re new to Brave Writer, or are looking for the best products for your child or family, choose from below:

    • For Families
      Multiple Ages
    • Ages 5-7
      Beginning Writers
    • Ages 8-10
      Emerging Writers
    • Ages 11-12
      Middle School Writers
    • Ages 13-14
      High School Writers
    • Ages 15-18
      College Prep Writers
  • Digital Products

    If you’re already familiar with Brave Writer products, go directly to what you’re looking for:

    • Core Products
    • Bundles
    • Literature Singles
    • Practice Pages
    • Homeschool Help
    • Special Offers
  • Online Classes
    • Class Descriptions
    • Class Schedule
    • Classroom
    • How Our Classes Work
    • Our Writing Coaches
    • Classes FAQ
  • Community
    • Brave Learner Home
    • Blog
    • Podcast
    • Calendar
    • Brave Writer's Day Off
  • Search
  • Cart

Search Bravewriter.com

  • Home
  • Blog

A Brave Writer's Life in Brief

Thoughts from my home to yours

Instead of a Command Say: “I Need Help.”

Ask for Help

“I need help.”

It’s a little thing. There’s a difference between telling your kids what to do and admitting your need. It’s the difference between exasperation that they haven’t been thoughtful (left shoes in the hall, didn’t clear the table, made too much noise, were careless with the math book) versus asking them to be considerate of your needs (to not trip on shoes, to have a place to put lunch, to not be disrupted, to know where the math book is).

Your kids DO want to help. Often we frame our need for help through a command. We may get the obedience but that’s not the same thing as generous service.

I learned with my kids: I could ask for what I need. I could be vulnerable and honest.

“Guys! I can’t think straight. I see thousands of shoes down the hallway. It stresses me out. Anyone want to help me get them cleared up?”

“I want to get lunch ready. I could get it done faster if the table were clear. I need help. Anyone?”

“I’m about to work for the next hour. I’m worried about breaking concentration when it gets noisy. I need your help. What activity would you like to do that will help me get my work done that isn’t super noisy. Ideas?”

“I could cry. We don’t know where the math book is AGAIN? What’s up with that? I need your help. Let’s find it together. What can we do differently so it doesn’t go missing? Ideas?”

It’s a small thing. They may ignore the request (“No” is a true answer to a request—your kids know a command in disguise—they may test you). If you build a habit of truth-telling, owning your needs (not pretending you’re building their character or doing it for their own good), and asking for help,

You’ll discover that most kids have a reservoir of love for you if you build a habit of truth-telling:

  • owning your needs (not pretending you’re building their character or doing it for their own good),
  • and asking for help.

Children want your peace of mind, happiness, and to be of value. Flip side: help them too—freely.

Over time, you may notice a shift from resistance to mutual care. Even better: you’ll realize your well-being isn’t dependent on your children’s obedience. It’s dependent on your self-awareness—and that’s a skill they need too. So thanks for living and modeling it.


This post is originally from Instagram and @juliebravewriter is my account there so come follow along for more conversations like this one!


Brave Learner Home

This entry is filed under Homeschool Advice. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.

« Learning to Write is Simple
Starter Kit for Teaching at Home »

Comments are closed.

  • Search the Blog

  • Julie Bogart
  • Welcome, I’m Julie Bogart.

    I’m a homeschooling alum -17 years, five kids. Now I run Brave Writer, the online writing and language arts program for families. More >>

    IMPORTANT: Please read our Privacy Policy.

  • New to Brave Writer? START HERE

  • FREE Resources

    • 7-Day Writing Blitz
    • Brave Writer Lifestyle Program
    • Brave Writer Sampler: Free Sample Products
    • Freewriting Prompts
    • Podcasts
  • Popular Posts

    • You have time
    • How writing is like sewing
    • Best curriculum for a 6 year old
    • Today's little unspoken homeschool secret
    • Do you like to homeschool?
    • Don't trust the schedule
    • You want to do a good job parenting?
    • If you've got a passel of kids
    • You are not a teacher
    • Natural Stages of Growth in Writing podcasts
  • Blog Topics

    • Brave Learner Home
    • Brave Writer Lifestyle
    • Classes
    • Contests/Giveaways
    • Friday Freewrite
    • High School
    • Homeschool Advice
    • Julie's Life
    • Language Arts
    • Movie Wednesday
    • Natural Stages of Growth
    • One Thing Principle
    • Our Team
    • Parenting
    • Philosophy of Education
    • Podcasts
    • Poetry Teatime
    • Products
    • Reviews
    • Speaking Schedule
    • Students
    • Writing about Writing
    • Young Writers
  • Archives

  • Brave Writer is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees (at no extra cost to you) by advertising and linking to amazon.com

    Content © Brave Writer unless otherwise stated.

What is Brave Writer?

  • Welcome to Brave Writer
  • Why Brave Writer Works
  • About Julie
  • Brave Writer Values
  • Frequently Asked Questions
  • Speaking Schedule

Brave Writer Program

  • Getting Started!
  • Stages of Growth in Writing
  • The Brave Writer Program
  • For Families and Students
  • Online Classes
  • Brave Writer Lifestyle

…and More!

  • Blog
  • Classroom
  • Store
  • Books in Brave Writer Programs
  • Contact Us
  • Customer Service
© 2025 Brave Writer
Privacy Policy
Children's Privacy Policy
Help Center