December 2014 - Page 2 of 5 - A Brave Writer's Life in Brief A Brave Writer's Life in Brief
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A Brave Writer's Life in Brief

Thoughts from my home to yours

Archive for December, 2014

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When you lose your cool…

When you lose your cool

…and it’s the holidays when you are not supposed to lose your cool!

So this happened. To me. Or rather, to my kids.

I snapped. Not just once, but a couple times already since they’ve been home. I don’t see myself this way—as a person who will “snap” and get testy or passive-aggressive when I’m under stress. I see myself in this idealized view—that I have patience and perspective, that I can say what I need directly, without using shame or manipulation to get what I want.

Then, the kitchen is upside down, and my brand new white dish towels are slowly drying with black tea stains, and I’m behind on my shopping, and there are piles of large adult children’s stuff tucked in around the edges of each room because that’s what college kids do with their stuff when home for break…

Bam! I get blind-sided by my own frustration and let it out! It’s not so much that I yell. Not my usual style. Rather, I bound into the room already on edge from shopping among thousands of other stressed last minute shoppers, aware that I have work to do, un-mindful of my hunger pangs, and cold. I see the evidence of a meal just made and the stained new tea towel—and react. I make declarative statements about who is responsible for “this mess” and blame randomly someone other than me for the tea towels and expect everyone to pop up and fix it.

I do, almost, cry. Over-reaction! Yet perhaps it is not at all an over-reaction. Perhaps that is the reaction that needed to happen hours before when I felt past my limit and worried about how I’d get it all done, before I entered the house and found someone to blame for my pent up anxiety.

The big kids snapped to, including my son’s girlfriend who also witnessed my meltdown. That’s when the guilt hit. I knew I’d been unnecessarily exasperated.

Fortunately for me, one of the kids called me on it. He stated calmly and honestly (but with hurt in his voice) that I had crossed a line—had crashed the peaceful atmosphere of the home with my anxiety and had misplaced my accusations. I hate that. I hate doing that. I hate being in the wrong. I hate that I had to apologize to my kids for that behavior and I even didn’t want to!

But I know it’s a gift—that if I can let go of my pride for a moment, I can stop the madness and start over with everyone. Which is what we did—I apologized, so did he, and we cleaned up the kitchen, and ate food, and turned up the thermostat, and watched TV by the fire.

Holidays are meant to be relaxed, homey opportunities for family togetherness. Weird how that vision can lead to the very things that undermine the goal: chaos, stress, expectation, and moodiness.

I rebooted last night. I’m glad my kids feel free to tell me when I’m out of line.

Posted in Julie's Life, Parenting | 2 Comments »

Looking for poetry books for teatime?

34 Poetry Books for Teatime

[This post contains Amazon affiliate links. When you click on those links to make purchases,
Brave Writer receives compensation at no extra cost to you. Thank you!]

We share poetry titles on our Poetry Teatime Pinterest board.
Suggested books often come from the featured teatimes of Brave Writer families.

Poetry Books Featured in 2014

Five were by Jack Prelutsky:

A Pizza the Size of the Sun
The New Kid on the Block
My Dog May be a Genius
It’s Raining Pigs and Noodles
Be Glad Your Nose is on Your Face

Two by Kenn Nesbitt:

The Tighty Whitey Spider
My Hippo Has the Hiccups

And two by Calef Brown:

Flamingos on the Roof
Soup for Breakfast

The others:

Don’t Bump the Glump! and Other Fantasies by Shel Silverstein
Custard and Company by Ogden Nash
Pumpkin Butterfly by Heidi Mordhorst
Ten-Second Rain Showers: Poems by Young People complied by Sandford Lyne
The Arrow Finds Its Mark: A Book of Found Poems edited by Georgia Heard
A Visit to William Blake’s Inn by Nancy Willard
The Children’s Classic Poetry Collection complied by Nicola Baxter
The Random House Book of Poetry for Children
Mosquitoes Are Ruining My Summer! by Alan Katz
Toasting Marshmallows: Camping Poems by Kristine O’Connell George
Alligator Pie by Dennis Lee
The Real Mother Goose illustrated by Blanche Fisher Wright
Child’s Anthology of Poetry by Elizabeth Hauge Sword
Silly Verse for Kids by Spike Milligan
A Child’s Introduction to Poetry by Michael Driscoll
Tea Rex by Molly Idle
Poetry for Young People by Walt Whitman
Old Possum’s Book of Practical Cats by T.S. Eliot
Lemonade and Other Squeezed Poems from a Single Word by Bob Raczka
Favorite Poems Old and New selected by Helen Farris
When We Were Very Young by A.A. Milne
Snow Snow by Jane Yolen
Poems to Read to the Very Young by Josette Frank
Summoning the Phoenix: Poems and Prose About Chinese Musical Instruments by Emily Jiang

 Enjoy!

Image by Jenn Durfey (cc cropped and text added)

Visit our Poetry Teatime website!

Posted in Poetry Teatime | 1 Comment »

Remember to Pause

Brave Writer

Written December 22, 2014

December catches me off guard every year, as though I don’t know it’s coming. As though I have never shopped for presents before, or haven’t had a busy calendar in the last month of any other year.

I confess to just wanting it to be over sometimes. The hassle and hustle of the season triggers my guilt, too. Why do I rarely succeed in getting lights up on the house? How could I let my college kids come home for winter break to an empty home (I was away traveling to see extended family members who are sick)? I even found myself wondering how necessary a decorated tree is to our over-all well-being.

So it was with great curiosity and interest that I listened to a friend share with me a strategy for being in the present moment—something I need to remember to do for myself. Maybe it will be helpful to you too.

She told me that when she finds herself whipped up into a frenetic energy, or guilt, or anxiety—she deliberately pauses, for a moment. She checks in with her thoughts, her feelings, and her body—to see what’s really there, so that she’s not just operating from a script of past holiday seasons or past expectations.

Julie Bogart
Santa Cruz at night. Capitola Beach.

The pause.

I had forgotten about the pause! It helps to re-center myself and ask the basic questions:

  • Where is my mind (what am I thinking about, or obsessing over)?
  • How do I feel (am I churned up? am I excited? am I distracted and edgy)?
  • What’s going on in my body (clenched jaw—I grind my teeth so a clenched jaw does tell me a lot about how much I’m holding inside; upset stomach, headache, short breath)?

Once I’ve paused to see what’s going on with me, I can then accept it and honor it. I don’t have to sweep it away or pretend it’s not there or overcome it. I can allow myself to embrace that moment, and the next, and the next one too.

From this place of checking in with myself, I can then make choices that take me and how I’m doing into account. Usually when I blow or lose it, it’s because I am checked out—I’m attempting to fill expectations or am moving really fast or have decided that this moment is annoying and I just want to get past it. When I’m in that mindset, I lose the moment and my choices.

Maybe today we can all pause—simply stop long enough to be present to ourselves and to our families; to let this year be its own unique holiday season, not a remix of all holidays past.

I paused this morning. I noticed a lot of agitation and urgency inside. A dismissiveness toward the demands of the season. A resentment brewing.

Time for a run, a cup of tea, and a hot shower.  


Brave Learner Home

Posted in Brave Writer Lifestyle, Julie's Life | 1 Comment »

Friday Freewrite: Bullying

Boy leaning against wall

What would you do if you saw someone being bullied, and would your response be different if you personally knew one or more of those involved? Explain.

New to freewriting? Check out our online guide.

Image © Roman Bodnarchuk | Dreamstime.com

Posted in Friday Freewrite | Comments Off on Friday Freewrite: Bullying

“A beautiful mess”

Snip_and_Pin_Natalie_blog

Earlier this week we shared Jot It Down in action. Today it’s Snip & Pin!

Snip & Pin Technique: Type your child’s writing into the computer. Print it out with one sentence per line. Then cut it up into individual sentence strips (or individual paragraphs, if that works better). Put the strips on the floor or on a table top and start moving them around to see what order makes the most sense or delivers the most surprise.

Brave Writer mom, Natalie writes:

Julie,

My daughter, Rachel, has been working on a paper for her Chemistry class this semester. She has been frustrated by the process of organizing all this material into the required seven page paper. As we read through her rough draft, it became apparent to me that the best course of action would be the snip and pin revision. She didn’t recall doing this before, but I assured her it would help.

I followed your directions to get it started. She saw all the strips of paper and was unsure how this would help. However, after an evening of moving sentences around, she is now a believer. It has been a wonderful way to work together and make her paper shine.

I’ve attached a picture of the process. It is a beautiful mess.

Thanks,
Natalie

The Snip & Pin Technique is thoroughly covered in The Writer’s Jungle and is also taught in our Kidswrite Basic class.

Image (cc)

Posted in Email, Writing about Writing | 1 Comment »

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