Remember to Pause
Written December 22, 2014
December catches me off guard every year, as though I don’t know it’s coming. As though I have never shopped for presents before, or haven’t had a busy calendar in the last month of any other year.
I confess to just wanting it to be over sometimes. The hassle and hustle of the season triggers my guilt, too. Why do I rarely succeed in getting lights up on the house? How could I let my college kids come home for winter break to an empty home (I was away traveling to see extended family members who are sick)? I even found myself wondering how necessary a decorated tree is to our over-all well-being.
So it was with great curiosity and interest that I listened to a friend share with me a strategy for being in the present moment—something I need to remember to do for myself. Maybe it will be helpful to you too.
She told me that when she finds herself whipped up into a frenetic energy, or guilt, or anxiety—she deliberately pauses, for a moment. She checks in with her thoughts, her feelings, and her body—to see what’s really there, so that she’s not just operating from a script of past holiday seasons or past expectations.
The pause.
I had forgotten about the pause! It helps to re-center myself and ask the basic questions:
- Where is my mind (what am I thinking about, or obsessing over)?
- How do I feel (am I churned up? am I excited? am I distracted and edgy)?
- What’s going on in my body (clenched jaw—I grind my teeth so a clenched jaw does tell me a lot about how much I’m holding inside; upset stomach, headache, short breath)?
Once I’ve paused to see what’s going on with me, I can then accept it and honor it. I don’t have to sweep it away or pretend it’s not there or overcome it. I can allow myself to embrace that moment, and the next, and the next one too.
From this place of checking in with myself, I can then make choices that take me and how I’m doing into account. Usually when I blow or lose it, it’s because I am checked out—I’m attempting to fill expectations or am moving really fast or have decided that this moment is annoying and I just want to get past it. When I’m in that mindset, I lose the moment and my choices.
Maybe today we can all pause—simply stop long enough to be present to ourselves and to our families; to let this year be its own unique holiday season, not a remix of all holidays past.
I paused this morning. I noticed a lot of agitation and urgency inside. A dismissiveness toward the demands of the season. A resentment brewing.
Time for a run, a cup of tea, and a hot shower.
Love this.
Pausing right now! 🙂
Although I hate it when my children are sick, last year my then 3 year old was sick on Christmas day. All I did all day was snuggle with a feverish little boy. It was a blessed time because I was forced to pause and do only what really mattered.
Thank you for always sharing your struggles and how you overcome (or are in the process of overcoming) them. I love how you said this: “I don’t have to sweep it away or pretend it’s not there or overcome it.” Pretending everything is okay when it’s never a good idea. It’s good to recognize that. It is what it is. I think we women tend to try to pretend we are in a Norman Rockwell painting!
Blessings to you and yours.
Nanci