You Matter, Too!
In the hurry scurry to be all things to all people, don’t forget to be there for you.
You deserve choices—what to eat, what movies to see, where to take a walk, how to decorate a room, what topics to study, what field trips to take, how to spend a holiday weekend, what to do with unexpected funds.
You are not merely the mirror for all the choices of the ones you love.
Not only that, your opinions, thoughts, and feelings can change. You don’t have to hang onto one idea or belief simply because you held it fiercely at one point in time. It’s okay to test a new belief, to try a new idea, to return to a discarded one and try it again.
You don’t have to agree with all the members of your household. You can disagree (even strongly) as long as you leave room for the others to have their own strong opinions too. You can contend for the ideals or values you are forming, while recognizing that these same ideals are incomplete/unfinished and can grow and change again (and likely will).
It’s okay to need time to yourself (even five minutes, behind the pantry door, to regroup and fight back tears).
Your feelings can be hurt. Your heart can feel torn in two. You will occasionally be genuinely annoyed by one of your children (worried about, embarrassed by, sick of).
You’re human. You get to be. You get to lose it occasionally, and you get to ask forgiveness, and to make amends.
You matter. Your life is not only about these other precious people you selflessly serve. It is also about you. You get one life. Be sure you are living it.
The best definition of co-dependency I ever heard was this:
“When you’re drowning, someone else’s life flashes before your eyes.”
Make sure your life is flashing before yours, now, while you can live it fully. Put something on the calendar for you—time, space, food, reading, exploration, a new goal.
Amazingly, everyone in your home will respect and admire you more when they see you enthusiastic about your own life. After all, how else do your kids get to understand the value of being an adult if they don’t see the wonderful stuff adulthood offers YOU?
Be good to you today.
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Oh my goodness! You have no idea how much I needed to hear this today!
I think as homeschool moms, it is so easy to forget that we are people, too because we are on call 24/7 and there is no set “time off”.
Years ago, I used to feel “guilty” for taking time to exercise daily (which helps me deal with stress and keep my weight down, which helps me feel better)…. I finally realized that it is NOT selfish to take this time for myself each day. I am a better mom when I do this. Thanks for the reminder that I need to give myself this grace in other areas of my life, too.
Your blog is a blessing to me. 🙂
Love this reply. 🙂 Great to hear from you. Thank you.
I bought blueberries for my kids for years before I let myself eat some too. Good article.
Shelah, that is as powerful an example as I can think of. Thanks for sharing it.