Image by garyt70
Write about something you dove into without planning. How did it go?
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Archive for July, 2013
Stay the course
Image by Abhisek Sarda
That big decision you made? Stick with it. It takes time for everyone to settle in, to adapt, to understand the new contours of this unfolding change.
The emotional highs and particularly the lows are part of the movement of this “new thing.” The stiff unfamiliarity is temporary—like shoes that need to be worn so the leather straps soften, and the soles mold to your particular feet.
Sometimes there are blisters and sore toes along the way, but eventually, the fit becomes “right.”
In the meantime, while everyone gets familiar with the new reality, stay the course.
The tone of your home is set by you—I know how challenging that is. It’s all on you—the mood, the energetic field you create—your family looks to you to know if they should worry or trust, if they can be freely happy or ought to be careworn and subdued.
It’s exhausting to lead with joy and alacrity; self-doubt is the most natural part of the breaking-in process during the “new thing transition.” While you lead, you also monitor (you can’t help it!). The undulating emotions are feedback that can at once validate your decision, and then a day later, shoot it in the heart.
Beware: wait 48 hours before making adjustments. Allow the waves of happy and sad to subside before evaluating each aspect of the new thing. Sometimes emotion is vented and over.
Give the new thing a real chance—to become a way of life, not just a “test run.” Invest. Believe.
You can tweak—make it your own, do it your way, adapt it to your particular situation. But don’t give up too easily. Trust that your hunch was a good one and live into it.
Stay the course… a little while longer, and see what happens.
Cross-posted on facebook.
When in doubt, remember
Image by Tammy Wahl. Used with permission.
When you wonder how to handle that crisis with your child, stop. Remember: how would you have liked your parent to react to you, in a similar situation?
It takes a moment to shift from responsible adult to the memory of vulnerable child or curious middler or risk-taking teen. It’s a felt sense, more than a logical thought process.
Re-inhabit the child you were. Go small. Imagine your limited awareness, your feeling of anxiety that you were “in trouble” or that your parents were “going to kill you” or your disappointment in yourself that you had failed to live up to your parents’ expectations.
What did you want from them? (Ignore for a moment the temptation you have as a parent to teach lessons, or give consequences, or explain mistakes.) Instead, imagine the tone you wished your parent had taken, or the path to redemption your parent may have offered, or the help the parent could contribute to alleviate pressure or danger or lost opportunities.
Carry on an imagined dialog of how your parent might have handled a crisis that would have helped you. Or recall the caring conversation your parent did have with you that helped you.
Once you’ve helped yourself “re-feel” what it was like to be young and in trouble, make the subtle shift. Imagine how you might be the “parent-you-wished-you-had” for your child now, in her crisis.
We like to say in Brave Writer: Offer help, because help helps.
Be kind—even if you have to issue consequences, you can still do so with gentleness, kindness, sympathy, awareness of pain.
If you are looking for remorse or regret in your child and don’t see it, remember how most kids use hardness as a posture to ward off a parent’s intensity. If you reach out in the opposite spirit, you may catch your child off guard and find that he or she opens up to you or lets down and shows fear or anxiety or self-recrimination.
When in doubt, remember who you were, what you wanted, how you felt in crisis, and how you hoped your parent would respond to you.
Go and do likewise.
Cross-posted on facebook.
Homeschool Carnival at Dewey’s Treehouse!
My post about reinventing your homeschool is featured in today’s Homeschool Carnival at Dewey’s Treehouse!
And I’m in good company! There are lots of great blog posts from other homeschoolers included. They deal with subjects like: what to do when overwhelmed, how unschooled kids learn to do things that aren’t “fun,” and ideas for celebrating Moon Day on July 20 (anniversary of the first landing on the moon).
Poetry Teatime: Fancy day!
I have been slowly gathering up supplies for our first “Tuesday Tea and Poetry” day in the tradition of the Brave Writer Lifestyle. Lots of books have been purchased and we are continuing to gather tea cups and fancy dishes as we come across them in thrift stores or on other outings.
Today, my son helped me get everything set up while his sister was playing with a friend. He was very excited and thought we should call it “Fancy Day!” We used an old quilt for a tablecloth and brought in flowers. We put out snacks and books and then let the girls in on the surprise. They had been on their way outside to play, but agreed to try it out.
Success! From the moment we started reading, they loved every minute! We took turns sharing and listening. We heard poems about a drumstick, a werewolf, William Tell, a man with clothes made out of food and dead animals, summertime and a baby cow, pranks played on a dad, and more. My son surprised me the most. I wasn’t sure how he would like it, but he seemed to enjoy it best of all and wanted to stay and read stories when we were done.
So he did read to me – “Just So Stories” by Rudyard Kipling. He has listened to the audio book many times (all 3 1/2 hours of it) and he liked reading the first story and poem to me in his fancy, expressive voice with a bit of a Brittish accent.
Everyone is looking forward to next week! I will need to dig up a stash of special snacks.
~Kiersten
See more first teatime pics at Kiesten’s blog, Growing Free.
