Essay-writing, not Lecture-giving
Today’s writing tip:
As I comment on essay topics in the Brave Writer Classroom, I’m struck by context. It’s easy to get sidetracked into “advice-giving” rather than “essay-writing.” There’s a difference between explaining why you, the reader, should exercise, versus explaining the role of exercise in improved health. Many of our kids are used to lectures, sermons, and mini-lessons designed to urge them to be better people. They internalize this voice and then they mimic it in their essays. But that kind of writing is *not* appropriate for essay writing. Essays are the dispassionate explication of information and how various strands of detail correlate to prove a thesis—a risky proposition, an assertion.
If your student writes about what the reader should do, or directs any comments at the second person, “you,” know that that student has shifted from essay writing to sermon giving. Even without the “you,” if implicit in the writing is a list of “smart practices” or “good ideas,” know that your student is not writing an essay.
We had a question on Facebook:
Any specific tips for redirecting them to essay writing?
My answer:
Yes. Ask them to change the voice of the essay: Move from “you” to third person. Focus on content, not on practice. For instance, in the example of exercise:
Don’t write—
People should work out three to five times per week to get their hearts to beat faster. You won’t be as vulnerable to heart disease if you do cardiovascular exercise on a regular basis.
Write—
Regular cardiovascular exercise has been shown to prevent heart disease. People who work out three to five times per week reduce their chances of heart disease by X%.
See the difference in tone? Feel it? That’s what you’re going for.
What about using second person in an exploratory essay?
I don’t see a use for second person in academic writing in most contexts. Can you give me an example of what you were imagining?
My 13 year old daughter is writing an exploratory essay about coffee. I had told her she could begin with a personal anecdote and therefore use first person but I was reading her first draft and saw she frequently used “you” in it. We are using your “Help For Highschool” as a resource although she’s in Junior High. Here’s a totally unedited exerpt:
“On May 3, 2011 Starbucks released their new 31 ounce cup size, trenta, for iced drinks. The average capacity of an adult stomach is 30 ounces. so how many people actually finish all of their drink or just waist part of it. On Starbucks’ home page4 they say the before the trenta was released 60% of their customers were ordering the 24 ounce venti. The reason they launched the trenta was because people were asking for a bigger size then the venti. So how much is 31 ounces? A whole bottle of wine. 2 and a half bottles of beer. 2 tubs of ben and jerry’s. (If you have not tried a ben and jerry ice cream then you are totally missing out). If you are able to drink a bottle of wine in one sitting then a trenta should be no problem for you. So what other coffee shops have super-sized cups? Second cup has 24 ounce cups and Tim Horton’s recently released in 2012 their 24 ounce cup. Although not as big as the trenta it is still a lot to be consuming at one time. Now if you are able to drink this much liquid then why not buy these? Especially on a hot summer day this might be perfect for you. There will just be a few side effects. Your Health and Your money.”
>>(If you have not tried a ben and jerry ice cream then you are totally missing out). If you are able to drink a bottle of wine in one sitting then a trenta should be no problem for you. So what other coffee shops have super-sized cups? Second cup has 24 ounce cups and Tim Horton’s recently released in 2012 their 24 ounce cup. Although not as big as the trenta it is still a lot to be consuming at one time. Now if you are able to drink this much liquid then why not buy these? Especially on a hot summer day this might be perfect for you. There will just be a few side effects. Your Health and Your money.”<< This is the part you are talking about. 🙂 The essay starts out following the basic tone and form of an exploratory essay (academic style) and then shifts when she adds the parenthetical statement about Ben and Jerry's. At that point, she's moved from academic writing to blog writing or an article for a magazine. In those contexts, the second person is charming and personal. But if she is writing an exploratory essay for college or an academic context, then I would have had her edit the comment about Ben and Jerry's out and I would have had her alter the "you" form to a more neutral voice. I love her writing voice here - darling, personal, engaging. But for academic writing, we change the tone to a more dispassionate voice. Does that make sense?
Yes, totally. Thank you for your help.
[…] As I comment on essay topics in the Brave WriterClassroom, I'm struck by context. It's easy to get sidetracked into “advice-giving” rather than “essay-writing.blog.bravewriter.com/2013/…/essay-writing-not-lecture-giving… […]
Yes it’s true. Practice is the most important factor to think creative and original ideas. I totally agree with your writing tip.