Archive for the ‘Homeschool Advice’ Category

Tweaking the assignment to the student

Tweaking the assignment to the student
Received a great question from Brave Writer mom, Kellie:

Hi Julie,

In your FAQ section of The Writer’s Jungle you mention how kids can write about anything and do it well if they can find something about the topic that hooks their fascination. I’m wondering what this looks like in real life.

Can you tell me how the following 5th & 6th grade students would attack this assignment?

Write a Report on Christopher Columbus

Student A: This girl is a natural talker, loves to write in great detail, is very fashion conscious, and is able to find a number of ways to earn money.

Student B: A very analytical boy — math is his strong suit. He doesn’t enjoy flowery detail and wants to get to the facts and get the job done.

Student C: This child is very art oriented and enjoys science and animals.

Student D: This child does great at writing fictional stories — very into dramatic writing not factual.

Maybe these scenarios are not enough to go on and if not — what kinds of questions can I ask the kids to find out what their natural bent is? How can I help them when they are given a generic assignment to find their own groove and write from within?

Thanks!
Kellie

Let’s go one student at a time. Remember: these are ideas that may or may not work with individual kids. The idea is to shift your focus to the student’s natural bent and inclinations, away from strictures of an assignment. One thing to know: the most successful writers do this all the time instinctively. They hardly know they are doing it! So it’s not cheating. It’s smart writing.

Student A: This girl is a natural talker, loves to write in great detail, is very fashion conscious, and is able to find a number of ways to earn money.

Perhaps her interest in Columbus will be to choose an aspect of his character (personality? his attempts to get funding for his trip? his fashion sense?) to describe in detail. Let her hone in on one aspect (rather than generalizing) and see if she can get intimately acquainted with the most interesting part of who Columbus is. Start there. You can always add less interesting detail (biographical information or the timeline of his trip, etc.) once she’s given her full attention to the part that interests her most.

Student B: A very analytical boy — math is his strong suit. He doesn’t enjoy flowery detail and wants to get to the facts and get the job done.

This kind of kid does well with making a list to start. Let him itemize the factual details of the life of Columbus. Choose the most interesting, surprising fact to open the report. Let him organize the facts into categories and use sub-heads for each section. He can freewrite and then revise each group of facts one at a time. Then organize chronologically using sub-headings to provide natural structure and transitions.

Student C: This child is very art oriented and enjoys science and animals.

Columbus may be a hard sell for this kid. Perhaps write on something else! (smile) Also, could do pictorial narration with artwork and captions.

Student D: This child does great at writing fictional stories — very into dramatic writing not factual.

Put the report into a narrative style, telling it from Columbus’s perspective or alternatively this student could write from the perspective of a crew member on the ship. In The Writer’s Jungle, Gabrielle Linnell wrote a piece called “An Adventuring Maid.” She did research to have all her historical details accurately represented in her work, but she wrote her piece as a fictional narrative. This kind of work is a wonderful way to make writing spring to life. I like to use Jean Fritz’s books as an example of how history can be written in an engaging manner all while conveying the important historical information.

I hope that helps you get an idea of what you might be able to accomplish if you widen your expectations and apply some creativity.

As a side note. I graduated with my Master’s in theology in 2007. I had finals that included writing my own contemporary epistle, writing a translation, putting my theological thoughts into poetry, freewriting and personal experience as well as your standard academic formats. I thought I’d throw that out because there is a perception that all the writing anyone will ever do in the future is essays and research papers. Not necessarily!

Images by MapHobbit,  Scott Markowitz, anthony kelly (cc cropped, tinted)

Posted in Email, Homeschool Advice, Young Writers | 8 Comments »

Losing Control

Losing Control

Letting go of control feels like not caring. Part of what motivates you to control your kids is the deep heartfelt love you have for their well-being. You care, therefore you control.

The experience of being controlled, however, feels 180 degrees opposite. When someone controls you, you don’t feel loved. You feel invisible. You feel discounted. You feel used or abused or undermined. The primary feeling is that you must escape control to get back to feeling like yourself again.

The danger of being a strong-willed mother is that you mistakenly convey love through control leaving your child paradoxically feeling unloved! It’s an awful conundrum and one that no mother intentionally creates in her child. If you find it hard to believe that this is your child’s experience, flip it around for a second. Don’t you feel unloved when you perceive your child to be strong-willed? When he or she resists forcibly the great meal you made, or the lesson you prepared, isn’t there a little twinge of rejection you experience?

Yet the desire to manage the external world competes with our hunger to meet the needs of our child’s interior life. How do we do that? How do we manage what our kids “do” while attending to their emotional well-being? So often it feels like you can only do one or the other.

I submit to you that there is a third way.

The idea in a family is that everyone can be their best selves when they are at home. It means they can let their hair down, be exactly who they are and still be loved. It also means that no one person gets to have the say-so over all other members. Families are cooperatives with wiser more experienced people in charge and younger, less experienced people learning the ropes. The idea isn’t to run a dictatorship (I’ve never, for a “New York minute,” bought the whole “this is a benevolent dictatorship” – really, who wants THAT?!). The idea is to set up a context where wiser, mature people can be resources to the less experienced, more emotionally volatile wunderkind (your kiddos!).

The third way puts relationship ahead of achievement. The idea is to create a context where conversation (communication) and negotiation enable all parties to participate at the level they are best able. So let’s cut to the chase. How does that look in homeschool?

One of the biggest mistakes we make as mothers is to assume that our kids know what is going on in our heads. We tend to share conclusions with them, rather than the process. So for instance, you may spend hours diligently debating a particular philosophy of math instruction online with your homeschool buddies. You may research the materials and shop around and peruse the books at a friend’s house. Then one day, decision made, you buy it and schedule the lessons. Your child looks at the cover, thinks it looks “boring” (code for: I’m unrelated to this book choice and feel put upon) and you feel devastated. After all, you just know this is the right program and you are certain once he gets into it, he’s going to love it. It fits him so well! If only he could see!

Now the stage is set for classic power grabs.

The mom feels cheated of the thrill of seeing this curriculum work (after all her labor to finally pick it and pay for it) and the student feels run over (he liked his old book well enough, he thinks this one is ugly and he doesn’t feel like learning how to do a new system – or whatever his reasons are!). Tears and/or punishment follow.

In the third way model, the choices about math books would be aired. Even with young kids (first and second graders), you can have conversations that let them hear what you are thinking. You don’t need to have a big talk every time you want to make a decision. On the other hand, simply narrating the process you’re in so that they can overhear it or participate in it goes a long way toward easing these kinds of tensions. Perhaps as you collect up the math book, you might say, “You know, I was reading about this other kind of math book today on the homeschool board. It’s called _______. And it reminded me of you because….. I’m thinking of purchasing it, to look it over. Would you be interested in looking at it with me online and then deciding if we want to try it?”

Kids love to be involved in decision-making, they love having their viewpoint valued. So much can be achieved through a little open discussion. You have to be prepared for, “Yeah, Mom, that looks awful to me.” But think about that. If that is really true, wouldn’t you rather know that before you plunked down your cold cash and then felt obligated to drag your child through the mud of unhappy math work?

With writing, the same principles need to apply. In Brave Writer, we give editorial control to the writer. As moms, we act as sources of input. We share what we see, love, want more of. We tell our kids what they do right and we point out areas for growth. We leave final decisions in the hands of the kids. We give up control (an illusion anyway since we didn’t write the papers) and allow for our voices to participate in the process rather than to control it. A strange thing happens when you “lose control” and validate the competence of your kids to make wise decisions (within the protected space of your love, input and oversight): trust. Your kids come to trust you… when you trust them to be truthful with you, when you honor their truth with support and kindness.

When a child says, “I hate this. This is too hard” trust is built when your response is, “I hate that you are having that experience. I want you to not feel that you are working too hard. Let’s see how we can solve this problem.” Trust is undermined when you say, “It’s not too hard. You can do it. You just don’t want to because you would rather watch TV.”

What is striking is that moms who give up control yet sustain relationship (through communication), have more power to ask for what they need from their kids. They can say what they need too! “I’m your mom and I feel responsible for your education. I want you to be happy in it too. How can we work together so that you don’t feel tortured by ________ but so that I’m reassured that you are learning too? I am willing to put things on hold until we can solve it.”

The happiest homes are not those where Mom gives up what she needs so that the kids don’t feel any pain. They aren’t the homes where it’s Mom’s way or the highway. The safest places to live are those homes where each person has a right to their feelings and needs (including mom, including kids) and together, they talk about how to meet those needs and feelings in a loving, non-judgmental, creative way. It’s not really losing control, actually. It’s ceding the right to power in service of love.

The Homeschool Alliance

Posted in Brave Writer Philosophy, General, Homeschool Advice | 17 Comments »

Strong Willed Mommies

Strong willed Mommies

Show me a strong-willed child and I’ll show you a strong-willed mother.

After all, who really has the power in the parent-child relationship? The parent can at any moment take away food, toys, privileges and happiness in one fell swoop if he or she likes. All kids can do is throw hissy fits.

When a mother tells me her kids are strong-willed (especially if all her kids happen to be strong-willed), I suspect right away that in fact we’re dealing with a “Strong-Willed Mother.” She’s the one who knows how happy life could be, if only all those little half pints in her charge would shape up, cooperate and do as she says!

By the way, I love these moms. They’re among the most passionate home educators. Let’s take a moment to look at the profile of a strong-willed mommy.

  • They have a clear idea of what ought to be done, in what sequence, to what end, by what due date.
  • They spend energy preparing lessons or lesson plans, or they hone a philosophy without lessons.
  • They hold specific images in their minds of what success is for each child.
  • They are highly responsible (take seriously their duties to provide an education).
  • They feel pressured (by family, social network, even the mysterious “society at large”) to perform at a high level.
  • They usually care about check lists and completing assignments, though some are equally committed to crunchy, unschooly parenting tactics.
  • They’re seriously good at defending their point of view (lawyer-esque in their clarity and supporting reasoning).
  • They find it hard to believe that their kids don’t buy into the flawless logic of their brilliant positions!
  • They sincerely believe they are being reasonable in their expectations and have asked nicely, thankyouverymuch.
  • They resent influences that undermine their vision.

These moms present their case for what kids ought to be doing, feeling and thinking, and then expect cooperation. They’re stymied by what appears to be “out of line” thinking and get their feelings hurt when their children exhibit signs of distress or boredom, or when they challenge the reasoning of the stated objective. If this mom has read that getting to sleep before midnight improves a child’s mental acuity in the morning class session, then she finds it irksome if her son insists that midnight is the best time to play Warcraft to be with online friends who live halfway across the globe. Her reasoning is superior and he ought to see that as easily as she saw it.

I hope I don’t sound harsh. Some of her skills are ones I want! There’s a doggedness to her commitment to her goals that is laudable; her lessons that are well-prepared and received usually turn out so fabulously! Strong-willed moms have an enthusiasm for their passionate viewpoints that inspires others to take on their opinions and convictions. The other thing I love about strong-willed moms is their thirst to know more. They do change directions when new and better information is presented clearly and persuasively.

Perhaps the biggest myopia, however,
is that strong-willed moms sometimes project
their strength of will onto their kids (mirroring it back).

So when a child expresses disinterest, rather than really hearing that as an authentic representation of a genuinely valid viewpoint, the strong-willed mom assumes it means the child is being strong-willed (not cooperating) rather than seeing her attempts at enforcement as the evidence that she has the strong-will (unwilling to entertain or accommodate the child’s point of view). See what I mean? Strong-willed essentially means being so committed to your own point of view, opposition is perplexing and leads to conflict. Well, who is unwilling to be flexible? If once you dispense the program you are unwilling to entertain a child’s disinterest in it, the strong will is not his!

When thinking about home education, then, being strong-willed as a parent can be a liability. Home education is guided not by bureaucratic expectations or an impersonal instructor. At its heart, home education is about nurturing relationships. Parents and children are bonded to each other, which means that they are more expressive, more vested, and more likely to tell you when they are suffering than their peer group at school. To successfully navigate the home education relationship means the parent (who has the power by default) must discover how to enter into the mind-life and motivations of the children. Conversation about what works and what doesn’t, trusting a child’s subjective experience, believing a child’s reasoning (based on his or her developmental level) all comprise the parent/teacher, child/student relationship.

Strong willed mommies can use their strength of will effectively if they redirect it. Rather than being so tenacious about curriculum and objectives (and then how to “get your kids to do x, y and z”), give that same level of passionate commitment to understanding how your children experience their home life and studies. When they show distress or boredom or apathy, get interested. If you’ve got tears, you’re done. There’s nothing more to discuss or do that day. It’s gone too far. Regroup later and talk about what your child was feeling/thinking. Focus on your child’s internal experience, not on objectives. Here are some conversation starters.

  • I’ve noticed that you used to get up early and finish your math pages before breakfast. Lately you still aren’t done by noon. What happened, do you think? How can I help you?
  • Are you in pain?
  • Are you bored?
  • Are you nervous about failing?
  • Tell me how it is for you.
  • I’m your mother and I’m responsible for your education, but you matter to me even more. How can we ensure that we stay connected to each other while you also learn what you’re supposed to?
  • What one thing could I do for you today that would relieve this build-up of pressure?
  • If you could change one thing about _________ (math, writing, that report, your text book, this co-op class…), what would it be?
  • What is worrying you today?
  • If you could learn anything you want (money were no problem, time was free), what would it be and why?
  • I’m sorry for pushing so hard.
  • I’m sorry for not hearing you sooner.
  • I’m sorry you got frustrated to the point of tears. Have a brownie. (Or, go jump on the trampoline; take a walk; watch a movie.)
  • Do we need to hire a tutor?
  • Do we need to take a break from (math, writing, reading practice, tuba, dance)? How long sounds good to you?
  • Can we work out a deal here? (I need _______ from you, what do you need from me?)
  • Want to get a Coke? Let’s talk.
  • I love you. You matter to me. When you’re ready, please feel free to tell me what’s happening inside you (you can write it or we can go out for an ice cream). I promise to listen and not try to get you to change how you feel.

Having a strong vision for how to teach and what to cover is a strength worth cultivating. Holding it in an open hand when dealing with children who don’t have your vision, who are practical (not abstract), who feel different pressures than you feel is essential to preserving the relationship. Close relationships foster learning. Happiness is the context for achievement. Joy is the best teacher.

Reach out to the frustrated child today and see how it goes. Don’t solve problems. Try to simply describe them in detail and be aware of how your child sees the world.

Partnership Writing

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Posted in Brave Writer Philosophy, General, Homeschool Advice | 21 Comments »

Taking Time for You

Taking time for you

I know it’s tough to carve out time for you when you’ve got children who need lunch, rides, help and sleep. I have a few tricks up my sleeve for how to recharge even with kidlets at your feet. Let’s break these down into time allotments. So, for instance, if all you’ve got is 30 seconds, you can still take time for you.

30 Second Time Out

  • Splash water on your face
  • Steep a cup of tea
  • Look out a window and SEE a bird (name it if you can)
  • Put on lipstick
  • Look in the mirror and smile at yourself
  • Get a child to massage your shoulders
  • Stretch your body (arms over head, up on tip toes; or, sideways bends in each direction, feet apart)

5 Minute Time Out

  • Drink that cup of tea in one chair (don’t move – sit all the way through it)
  • Clear one annoying surface (couch, coffee table, kitchen counter)
  • Page through a new magazine (just page – you don’t have to read it)
  • Send a text to a friend
  • Put on make-up (quick version – mascara, blush, lip gloss) and earrings
  • Prop up your feet and lean head back; close your eyes
  • Take a brisk walk around your house (outside if possible)

15 Minute Break

  • Turn on music you pick (iPod, radio, speakers for your iPod)
  • Read poetry (get that book out and sit with a couple of poems)
  • Close your eyes and lie on the couch (eye pillow is really great if you have one)
  • Email someone
  • Walk down the block (alone if possible, or with baby in sling or backpack – keep house in sight)
  • Read one chapter of the book you want to read
  • Make your bed and straighten your bedroom

30 Minute Break

  • Combine some of the ideas above: tea with poetry and music, for instance
  • Take a run, do yoga, stretch, go for a bike ride, take a long walk
  • Focus on a project (for instance, put in 30 minutes toward playing piano or working on an art collage or planning a new kitchen)
  • Study something YOU want to study (design, art history, growing herbs, theology, nutrition, quilting)
  • Call a girlfriend
  • Take a nap (set the timer)
  • Take a shower

3 Hour Break

  • Get out of the house (that means, this break is planned so childcare is handled)
  • Go to a coffee shop, library or a natural setting like a park (rejuvenate)
  • See a movie with a girlfriend (or alone)
  • Eat out (choose some place tasty)
  • Visit an art museum without your kids
  • Go to a botanical garden
  • See a play
  • Write (if you write); Paint (if you paint); Craft (if you craft); Play music (if you play something)

If you can contrive a longer break, by all means take half a day or a full day. I used to take Monday nights (three hours) to go to the library. My husband would look after the kids (they were little!) and I’d reserve one of the library’s private conference rooms. I’d go in the room and either write (I was working on a book), write songs (I was learning guitar at the time and loved writing lyrics), pray (some weeks were like that) or cry (other weeks were like that). It was my time to use as I wished. I liked the library because no one could get to me, it was blissfully quiet and I would not be interrupted by anyone or anything.

Even tiny breaks are good. Put a flower in a vase, light a candle, eat one square of chocolate that you’ve hidden in your cupboard, straighten the photos on your refrigerator, brush your hair (feel the bristles on your scalp), make yourself smile, notice a reflection and see it…

Be in the moment for a moment today. It helps.

The Homeschool Alliance

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Posted in Brave Writer Philosophy, Homeschool Advice, One Thing | 4 Comments »

Stuff to do in summer

Stuff to do in summer

Hi everyone.

I made a list years ago of things to do in summer. We posted it to our refrigerator so that if any child came to me saying, “I’m bored; I have nothing to do,” I could simply point a silent finger at the door and they would know to scan the list before asking for any more ideas. Usually, they found something.

The key to using la liste is making sure that you have the supplies already stocked up in your house. Don’t put “oil pastels” as an option if you haven’t bought them. Make sure everything that they may want to do, can be done.

Before I post the list, here are a few ideas to consider as well:

  1. Create an art table that houses markers, paintbrushes, watercolors, glue (of varying styles), paper, pipe cleaners, string, tape, staplers, scrapbooking pages and so on. (We use tin cans from beans etc. to hold the paintbrushes or markers.) Purchase colorful clay to bake into novel items.
  2. Make a nature station which includes binoculars, birding guides, seeds, trowels, and a cheap digital camera for photo ops (when the squirrels fight or you see a cool caterpillar).
  3. Tune up bicycles (air in tires, brakes that work), purchase a badminton set or croquet, collect water guns and pool toys.

All right, without further ado:

Here’s the list!

  • Paint
  • Make play-doh
  • Create a collage
  • Take a walk
  • Swing
  • Climb a tree
  • Listen to music
  • Read a book
  • Read a magazine
  • Legos
  • Playmobiles (or whatever toys you have that your kids love)
  • Reorganize your bedroom (moving furniture around)
  • Sew
  • Learn a new recipe
  • Hammer nails into scrap wood (for some reason, this is always satisfying)
  • Jump rope
  • Take the dog for a walk
  • Fill the wading pool and splash
  • Shoot each other with water guns
  • Blow bubbles
  • Sidewalk chalk the driveway
  • Inventory the house (count windows, steps, pillows, door knobs, mirrors, paintings, photographs) Use a clipboard to record findings.
  • Write a poem
  • Make a phone call to grandma
  • Email Dad/Mom at work
  • Play a board game
  • Make a picnic under a tree
  • Lie on your back and look at clouds
  • Watch a movie
  • Play a video game
  • Create fairy houses with twigs, moss, leaves, acorns. Make fairies out of scrap fabric, pipe cleaners and wooden beads.
  • Create shoe box houses for little dolls
  • Catch tadpoles (in a local stream)
  • Catch fireflies in a jam jar
  • Do something for someone else (vacuum a room, empty the dishwasher, fold clean clothes)
  • Sort clothes that are too small and give to charity
  • Alphabetize the spices in the spice cabinet
  • Learn to do a cartwheel
  • Run through the sprinkler
  • Play HORSE with the basketball
  • Play jacks
  • Play pick up sticks
  • Play a musical instrument
  • Dress up in dress up clothes
  • Face paint
  • Draw with oil pastels or charcoal
  • Roast hotdogs in an open fire; make s’mores
  • Collect wild flowers for a centerpiece at dinner
  • Memorize riddles, poems, rhymes
  • Act out a favorite play or story
  • Polish nails
  • Rub on temporary tattoos
  • Learn to braid hair
  • Make a fort in the living room
  • Study a tide pool (if you’re lucky enough to live near one!)

Please add to the list in the comments section! I’m sure you’ll have ideas I haven’t included.

Brave Writer Online Writing Class Nature Journaling

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Posted in Brave Writer Philosophy, Homeschool Advice, Unschooling | 9 Comments »