like I do…
Grading college freshman papers shld be a req'd experience for homeschoolers. You'd instantly feel better abt yr work w yr kids. #homeschool
— Julie Bogart (@BraveWriter) September 24, 2013
I wish you could grade college papers
Poetry Teatime: Tea and Gingersnaps
This is my crew enjoying their tea and gingersnaps along with their poetry. The boys made the tea and put the cookies on a plate. It was so nice outside, we had to take advantage of it!
Max, age 8, selected Chocolate-Covered Salami by Jack Prelutsky. He shared with us that the poem “sounded delicious” and it was ” nice and funny.” Dominic, age 6, chose Ickle Me, Pickle Me, Tickle Me Too by Shel Silverstein. He loved the fact that they went for a ride in a flying shoe. The words he used to describe it were, “funny,” “cool,” and “fantasy.” My girls, ages 4 and 20 months, laughed with the boys, and my 4 year old appreciated the rhyming verses.
~Julia
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The gift of giving is passed down through blood lines
Three Generations: My mom, my daughter Johannah, and me
It occurred to me this morning that both my parents (no longer married) have each sent money/financial gifts to me at various points in my adult life, for things ranging from Teflon coated pans and maternity clothes while in Morocco, to camcorders plus customs tax (no small price back in 1987!), to trips to Kansas City for a conference for the entire (then) 6 person clan, to couches and carpet cleanings. They’ve paid for ski trips when I was in college and new clothes postpartum (five times over!). They use their Nordstrom discounts and their credit cards to buy shoes and dinners, trips on Catalina Express and flights on planes. They’ve loaned me cars and have put my family up in cabins and beach houses.
They’ve sent generous amounts of money at Christmas when Jon and I didn’t know how we’d pay for gifts for the kids. My mom has traveled to France, Morocco, and Ohio to see me/us, and my dad has traveled to Ohio. They’ve given me sentimental jewelry and photos (and photo albums!). They both supported Jon and me financially when we were missionaries, even when they weren’t sure they agreed with the mission. They’ve put us up in their homes, apartments, condos—from just me, on a pull-out couch in college, to the ever-expanding seven of us sprawling throughout the house on couches and in beds, back down to the smaller version of us now.
I didn’t ask for these gifts. They would simply offer, as the circumstance arose. They were quick to send the finances or the tickets or the new skirt, never promising and not following through.
My mom, when I once through tears told her I wondered if I’d ever be able to take my kids to a restaurant or hotel because we were so poor and I couldn’t imagine that ever changing, said, wisely, “You’re just coming into your earning years now. You’ll be amazed at how things change.” It comforted me.
The gifts from my parents were never “bail outs” for mistakes made. They were rooted in generosity for a family on one income with lots of kids. I keep thinking how lucky I am to have had parents who were generous, even when their own finances were tight.
I thought about all these things this morning because all I want to do now is spend money on my adult children any time I hear they have a need. I stopped to consider why I feel that way. Then this long list of reasons spilled out of me.
Never turn down an invitation
My uncle Harry recently died. He was 87 and my favorite uncle of all. Everyone who knew him loved him. He began his adult life as a priest and missionary, and eventually left the ministry to marry my aunt (a former nun!). He continued to be an active community servant, dedicating thousands of hours to making life better for those less fortunate.
One of his mottoes was: “Never turn down an invitation.”
I thought about that saying today while working. When we write with children, when we relate to them, when we parent them, what would happen if we came with a posture of “invitation” rather than “command” or “demand” or even “request”? What if what we offer our children is offered in the spirit of an “invitation you can’t refuse”?!
Let’s look at a “for instance.”
Rather than:
“Camille, set the table for dinner. We’re going to eat in ten minutes.”
Invite:
“Camille, I’d be touched if you’d set the table for dinner. You do such a lovely job. Would you do that for me?”
Rather than:
“Sean, today we have to learn long division. Get your books.”
Invite:
“Sean, would you be like to learn the secret to long division? I’d love to show it to you today.”
Now you may be saying to yourself, “Julie, give me a freaking break! That sounds unnecessarily syrupy sweet! I can’t talk like that all the time, or I’ll get cavities!”
Okay, okay. I get it. You’re in a hurry; you just need cooperation; your kids need to understand how to listen to you and act; you can’t be pausing to consider how you say every little thing.
So how about my compromise deal?
What if you pause to consider how you say *one* little thing? What if one request you make is an invitation where before it used to be a demand?
Think of all the ways you feel honored and valued when you are invited to participate rather than required to. If someone asks you to lead a committee, or give a talk, or help out at a doctor’s appointment, or to make a meal, or to go to a business dinner—these feel entirely different when the important person in your life makes it a privilege to participate, rather than the expected requirement of your role (wife, daughter, mother, best friend, homeschool co-op board member).
Your kids are similar.
It’s a thrill to learn to squirt bottles of Windex at age 7-10. Treat it that way.
It’s wonderful to get new carpet in a messy bedroom that needs to be emptied of “junk” to get it installed. Create an event that celebrates the decluttering, rather than harping on why the clean-up has to be done or you don’t know what you’ll do with the ungrateful wretch who calls herself your daughter.
Invite kids to the wonderful big stuff that helps the family function—the things you know they’re dying to be old enough to do, but also the stuff you want done.
They love this:
–shopping alone with you
–picking paint chips and giving meaningful opinions
–riding along to the vet, supervising the dog
–selecting an exotic fruit at the Farmer’s Market
–washing the car by hand (too fun with loud music and bathing suits!)
–rearranging all the furniture in a room any way they want to
–dressing up fancy
–raking leaves and jumping in them
–making a bonfire from gathered “downed” branches after a storm
–programming the DVR
–dish-washing with quarters hiding at the bottom of the soapy water
–making a CD mix for a long trip
–picking all the snacks for the same long trip
–arranging flowers for the dinner table
The possibilities are endless—look at your life with new eyes and turn the things you want done into invitations they can’t refuse. Change the tone of your voice for one request per day. See how invitation changes how you see your children and your needs.
We all like the opportunity to say “Yes, I’d like to” or “No, I don’t want to.”
There should be chances to say “yes” and “no” every day that don’t mean someone is being disobedient or willful.
We all want to express preference. Invitations help you to remember that each family member is a unique being, deserving freedom of movement and activity in the home, at least sometimes, at least once a day.
You might start saying “yes” to your kids’ invitations too: to listen to a song, to watch a video, to play a game, to talk, to take a hike, to bake, to read a book, to run to the store, to make a huge mess, to eat dessert for lunch. Why not?
As Harry would say: “Never turn down an invitation.”
Who knows what good might come from it? until you say: Yes!
Cross=posted on facebook.
Friday Freewrite: Movie
Image by Incase
Seen a good (or bad) movie lately? Write about it.
New to freewriting? Check out our online guide.
