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A Brave Writer's Life in Brief

Thoughts from my home to yours

Archive for the ‘On Being a Mother’ Category

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Self-care: Part One

Meditate

Image by RelaxingMusic

Try not to defend your life to others. It’s tempting to explain your choices, to provide evidence that you did the best you could or that your convictions are pure and your motives are selfless.

We’re all a bundle of needs, making decisions that are both selfless and self-interested. The only criteria that matters in evaluating how you spent today is the one you’ve chosen to live by… today.

That criteria shifts and changes—some years you have more energy for self-sacrifice and understanding; and others, you find you need someone to give you a break, to make up for what you lack, to be the strength you lack. Some years you find resources and help, and others, it seems no one “gets” what you’re going through and it’s entirely up to you to figure out the way forward.

Some years you’re blindsided by facts you never imagined would be the substance of your life, of your family.

We have our ideals (they matter) and we have our limits (they matter too). One person (you, me) can change the entire dynamic in a home by making better, more emotionally supportive, empathetic choices; but it’s also true that one person can wreck the peace, by not cooperating, asserting a will that is unresponsive to the best care and kindness you can give.

A family is an interdependent system—no one person can carry it alone. There must be give and take, support and nurture for each person, even if in uneven doses at times.

All you can do is become the healthiest version of you that you can be—taking care of your welfare so that you don’t wake up one day and “flip out.”

You’ll be given good advice: Be generous. Give. Share. Listen. Pay attention. Make adjustments. Become a partner to your kids, to your spouse. Forgive. Find the good, the true, the pure. Let go of petty resentments and high expectations.

But you also need to take care of you. Be sure that you, the care-giver, are being given care too—by someone, somehow, somewhere. It’s how you keep going.

When you hit your limits, you’ll get advice to give more. You’ll be told what the ideals are. You’ll be reminded of your original goals. You’ll try harder. We women are especially likely to take this advice to heart.

Just remember: in the trying (which is right and noble and good), stand up for you too. You matter as much to the whole system as all the people you love and serve freely every day.

Be good to you, no matter what that looks like. You get one life, too. It needs to be a good, peace-filled, lovely one. No Joan of Abeccas here. No Teresa of Calculadders allowed.

Stay connected to your well-being while you give to the ones you love. That’s it.

See Part Two here.


Be Good to You: Self Care Practices for the Homeschooling Parent

Posted in Brave Writer Lifestyle, Homeschool Advice, On Being a Mother | 1 Comment »

5 tips to get you back in gear

5 tips to get back in gear

Happy New Year, Brave Writer families!

Too bad we can’t settle into a “long winter’s nap” right about now. January insists that you be productive, so let’s look at 5 ways to do it that I hope are relatively pain free.

If you live down under: You just finished your big holiday and it’s summer vacation. Rock it! Have a great time. We in the north envy you, but we know it’s well deserved.

1. Get cozy

It’s winter in the northern hemisphere. Everyone is nicer to each other under cuddly blankets or with fires roaring or with tea and candles. Don’t “hit the workbooks” so much as invite everyone back to the routine with a little attention to snuggling and pleasing natural light. Remember that winter can create a sinking feeling—moodiness, depression, pessimism, loneliness—all due to loss of sunlight. So bring some inside and warm up the space. Keeping tables and counters clear seems to matter more in winter too.

2. Read aloud

Nothing says “gentle return to education” like a new novel to read together. Pick something you loved as a child (not a new novel). This is “comfort food” time. Find the joy in the novels of your youth (pair it with The Arrow, if we have an issue created for it). This month’s issue (Jan 2013) is for Little Town on the Prairie (my favorite children’s book series of all time). You might also love reading Wind in the Willows to help foster the coziness you need (how can you resist Mole’s home?).

For older kids, you might simply designate a time that everyone reads to themselves at the same time. Shared reading time, with a fire, is amazingly intimate. It creates a dynamic of valuing literature and private reading experience, while also giving the home a moment of silence (akin to when a newborn baby is sleeping and a hush comes over the space). The Boomerang Already Published Issues is a great place to find titles to read.

DSCN3023.JPG3. Make one plan

Plan ahead and execute the One Thing you’ve been meaning to do all fall but never got to it: Poetry Teatime,  Party School, etc. Check out our blog entry on how to focus on one thing at a time.

 

4. Go on a field trip to…

A nature center, a ski lodge, the library, an art museum, the movie theater, the zoo, a restaurant from another culture, your best friend’s house, McDonald’s playland (yes, sometimes that’s even a good idea in January), a shopping trip to China Town, or Little Saigon, or the Italian Quarter. Pick one. Plan it. Do it. Get OUT of the house.

5. Add one novelty item to your homeschool

This could be a new set of watercolors with an easel. You might purchase a whole set of dinosaur cookie cutters to go with your dinosaur unit and you will make playdoh and do cut outs. Maybe you add a bird feeder to the nearby tree and spend some time each day noting which birds show up. Get a new strategy board game or several decks of cards and teach everyone Solitaire. Even a new sled (for outside) or a mini trampoline (for the garage or basement) can inject some lively activity when you start to feel trapped indoors.

The main thing to remember is that January is the middle of the year. You can actually plug along nicely in your traditional education work (math, science, grammar work, reading, writing) because the quieter, slower months are conducive to all of that. Just remember to not let cabin fever take over. In those moments, remind yourself of this list and pick ONE to do!

Brave Writer Online Classes

Posted in Brave Writer Lifestyle, Homeschool Advice, On Being a Mother, Young Writers | 2 Comments »

Happy Winter Solstice!

DSCN9634.JPGFor years, I thought about celebrating Solstice with my kids.

It seemed like it would be a great way to take some of the commercialism out of the season and it would give us a chance, as the kids got older, to recapture some of the magic of our homeschooling journey.

In 2009, we decided to create our own holiday traditions for Solstice. Each year, they vary a bit (for instance, the first year we used hammers and nails to puncture tin cans in pretty patterns to create lanterns to line the driveway—much harder to hammer nails into tin cans than you might imagine! So we recycle them each year and haven’t had to make them again).

solstice tin cans

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Traditions

There are a few traditions we do every year.

For instance, we always light a fire (sometimes outside, sometimes inside). Then we take strips of paper (old Trader Joe’s grocery bags cut into long strips) and we write two things on them:

1) Regrets from the past year
I regret not working harder to help my team…

2) Wishes for the coming year
I wish that my sister and I would get along better this year.

DSCN2006.JPG
 

These get read silently by the writer, then tossed into the flames. We usually play a little instrumental Celtic music in the background while we use magic markers to write. It’s proved to be one of our favorite traditions of the year. The kids now like to keep a record of their wishes so they can remember year to year what they wrote the previous year.

DSCN2069.JPG
 

Another tradition we love is to make handmade gifts for each person. This means we can’t go to the store and buy someone a CD or scarf. Rather, whatever we give, it must be crafted in some way by the giver.

DSCN2034.JPG
 

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Some of the items of the last several years:

  • Origami cranes colored to look like famous people (based on the celebrity obsessions we each have—from Lady Gaga to Dumbledore to Dietrich Bonhoeffer!)
  • Book marks and popsicle stick picture frames
  • CD mixes (tailored for each person)
  • A lengthy rap, where each stanza addressed a specific family member and the whole thing was performed with accompaniment
  • Photos framed with selected passages from novels (remember the value of copywork?) that went with each person
  • Apple calendars with photos of the kids for each month of the year drawn from my lifetime supply
  • Harry Potter brooms (matching the houses each of my kids believe they would be in)
  • Haiku!
  • Personalized tree ornaments
  • Crowns
  • Art trading cards
  • Embroidered initials in small hoop frames

DSCN1310
 

We also eat special foods (in our home, we eat a cashew pasta dish, homemade applesauce, and sliced oranges with sugar and cinnamon on them) and we drink a special wassail (though this year we are trying mulled wine).

The event ends when we make candles from a beeswax kit purchased from Hearthsong (a favorite toy and craft company we’ve loved for 20 years).

Solstice 2011
 

The most wonderful thing about celebrating Solstice is that I get to see the fruits of all those years of crafting, reading aloud, the celebration of family, and the care for each individual member all expressed in one evening celebration—at the darkest time of the year. For us, it’s been a most satisfying addition to our winter holiday celebrations.

I want to publicly thank Kimmy Certa (Brave Writer mom and online friend) who first put the thought into my head as I witnessed her version of Solstice celebrating.

Happy Winter Solstice to all of you!

Posted in Activities, Brave Writer Lifestyle, Family Notes, On Being a Mother, Solstice | 3 Comments »

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