“Whatever you resist, persists.” -Carl Jung
You know that feeling when you’re upset, and someone tries to talk you out of it? Are you like me? Do you double down on your opinion, do you want the other person to simply hear you, to accept as valid for you a negative feeling or analysis?
Yeah, same for your kids. And yet we parents resist their perspectives with such ease.
- It will only take five minutes!
- Try it! You’re gonna love it.
- It’s not that hard.
- Once you get started, you’ll be glad you did it.
- That’s ridiculous!
What follows? Resistance. Now your child not only disagrees with you, but feels bent on proving to you the rightness of his or her opinion.
What would happen, though, if you tried this magic phrase: “You may be right?”
Do we need our children to agree with us in order for them to follow through on eating breakfast or finishing their math work or making the bed?
Examples
“I hate making my bed. I’m just going to get in it again tonight. It’s stupid.”
“You may be right! See you downstairs in five.”
“I wish I never had to learn math. It’s too hard!”
“You may be right! Let’s do the next one together.”
We can give our kids the dignity of their unique experience. We don’t have to cheerlead them into a false positivity. They can make a bed AND think it’s pointless. They can learn math WHILE wishing they didn’t have to.
Most often, feelings are passing. Feelings are not facts. They just need to be
- heard,
- accepted,
- and folded into what you are already doing.
If the negativity is profound, you might say: “You may be right. Let’s take a break to think about it.”
This post is originally from Instagram and @juliebogartwriter is my account there so come follow along for more conversations like this one!
