The Pressure to Conform
Have you ever felt trapped by a group?
You are asking yourself fresh questions, but to voice them to family or friends might mean you are putting yourself at odds with them. The most dangerous thinking happens not because of misinformation but because of the pressure to conform to group think in order to maintain your relationships.
It’s tempting to adopt the beliefs and language of a group in order to feel like you belong. Once you choose to align with a group, however, you may risk your relationships should you ever think differently. But true belonging comes from knowing you can show up as you are now, not as the person you were or are supposed to be.
So, the quickest test of whether someone loves you as you are is to change your mind—to see something in a fundamentally different way than that person you love. How do they see you now?
The Purity Test
I have experienced this—the purity test, the “does she use the right language?” test, the “is it dangerous for me to hang out with her now?” question.
Remember: you don’t owe anyone fidelity to their slogans and ideas. Your strongest relationships are the ones that stay with the you who lives inside your current body, not the ones that are looking for evidence of agreement.
My book, Raising Critical Thinkers, can help too.
