The Third Way
Have you ever been confounded by the way your child or teen sees the world? You have this clear idea: eat your meals, do your schoolwork, save play for once your responsibilities are complete.
Your kids, on the other hand, simply don’t.
What do you do then?
There’s one school of thought that says kids owe their parents obedience—that they don’t have to like what the parent wants for them, they simply have to do it and learn to agree with it eventually.
There’s another school of thought that says parents shouldn’t force their children to do anything they don’t want to do. Keep your hands off and trust the child.
Did you know there’s a third way? It’s the one I write the most about. It’s possible to both have values and goals for your child while also honoring the unique perspective and needs of your offspring. In fact, this negotiation between what a child values and what you care about is the stuff of parenting. There’s no straight line or easy practice that accomplishes this delicate balance.
Rather, the only path forward in parenting is keeping your attention on having a responsive, warm relationship with your child. You know what that means to your kid? They feel connected when they feel:
- seen,
- heard,
- and known.
They trust you when they can tell you have not just their best interests at heart, but care about the interests they’ve chosen for themselves.
How does this apply to getting math homework done? Take your child seriously. Listen to the resistance or anxiety. Support your child in achieving the task by being that responsive, kind parent who makes facing math less daunting or worrying or upsetting.
Your child will teach you what they need if you have the ears to hear!
