Children are gifts.

They are humans like the rest of us and deserve to be understood, treated with a gentle strength and respect the same as adults would desire for themselves. They need it even more greater as they are relying on us to show them the way in how to approach life and respond to life’s challenges. We need to train up our children in love. I am not talking passivity, but grace and patience.

We are appointed mentors and role models to our children; inspirations, wise counselors.

I believe I am my children’s cheerleader, their coach, and adviser. I learned early on that getting down on my knees and looking into their eyes, heart to heart, was the most powerful and effective way to communicate. They responded the greatest at these times. They hugged me and thanked me, and over the years they have learned they can come to me about anything.

Recently, I had a battle internally feeling like I have fallen short in educating my children. My 16 year old son stopped me and told me he feels I have taught him the most greatest thing anyone could ever teach him. He has learned through me how to respond to life, how to look to God for everything, and how to cope with things that are difficult when life hands you challenges. I have taught him how to think deeply about things and to evaluate what is before him. He expressed to me how for him that surpasses anything he could ever learn in school. Because to him it is the foundation he needs for life when all else fades away. He feels grounded and nothing could be more important.

–Talk about putting a mom into tears.

The biggest, most challenging transition in parenting for me was entering the teen years. The withdrawal, the desire to solve their problems on their own, their inability to articulate what they wanted (at least not to me) felt so alienating after all those years of breast-feeding, cuddling on the couch, talking at length on nature walks, etc.

If you have a father in the picture who is able to be around and open, it can help. Not all of us do, and even sometimes the ones who are present are still not the “right kind” to do the job.

Keep going—keep loving, don’t be afraid to express your anger (you can do it in a healthy way—”Hey! That doesn’t feel good when you smirk and make fun of me”). Sometimes they need to bump up against our real feelings. They know when they are being manipulated, too. So check into how you feel. Share it, but don’t analyze it.

Allow for some distance to enter the relationship. That’s okay, too. This is a boy becoming a man and he will start to distrust his “mother’s voice” because he needs to create his own male voice inside.

And then, glory of glories, they do return in their 20s! It was such a distinct joy to find that out!

Hugs! Take up a sport or go back to school or start a new hobby. That helps too.

I definitely enourage parents to stop trying control behavior when kids are young and get to the root of things. Be present and engaged, enter into your child’s world – their hopes, dreams, interests.

Julie, if you have enouragement for a mama’s heart right now, I really could use it.

Wow, this post hit home and really made me think.
My 4th child, an 8 yo dd cries almost every time we try to do any kind of writing projects. I need to try approaching it differently with her and trying to figure out what’s underlying those tears… I know poor spelling is probably part of it.

Thanks for giving me something to think about and work on today.