Comments on: Email: Homeschooling through grief

By: kelli

kelli — Wed, 10 Feb 2010 23:17:46 +0000

Thank you so much for these words. Trying to be supermom through overwhelming circumstances is impossible, and nearly killed me. I have felt so guilty for not being able to pull it together “FASTER” and for not putting my kids in public school (they all have health/learning issues that would make that also a disaster). Thank you for permission to not be supermom in all circumstances. Much needed grace.

By: Greta

Greta — Thu, 14 Jan 2010 05:18:54 +0000

Hi Julie

You don’t know how much I needed to read these words today. We buried my mother-in-law last week – exactly four weeks after she was diagnosed with cancer. We started back to school this week, but I am really struggling. We are just devastated by her loss. So thank you for your words of advice. I’ll be re-reading them often.

By: Carrie Gwaltney

Carrie Gwaltney — Wed, 13 Jan 2010 17:41:18 +0000

As usual, Julie, your words are full of wisdom and compassion. I needed to read this today even though I’m not currently going through any acute grief. Your wisdom is transferable to situations where there are some long-term issues that just wear a person down. My motto these days is “Just do the next thing.” Schooling my youngest isn’t the great learning adventure I’d hoped, but it’s where we are and we muddle through. We deal with motivation and personality differences, with burn-out and lack of alternatives, and try to find the positives. And there are many positives, especially when I remember that educating my child means a lot more than academics.

By: Michelle Gregory

Michelle Gregory — Wed, 13 Jan 2010 16:10:07 +0000

Julie,
this is so timely for me. our dog got out of the house 3 months ago, and though we’ve heard no word on her, we’re still hoping the person who has her will get her back to us. of course, the not knowing is driving me crazy and i realized today, it’s a grieving process, though an open ended one. i wondered why i couldn’t get myself together to do anything – homeschool, write, even do the dishes.

many thanks for helping me realize what’s going on.

Michelle Gregory

By: Kika

Kika — Wed, 13 Jan 2010 15:37:34 +0000

When my mom was dying/after her death I was a mess – it was so painful. That was seven years ago. I feel for you. One idea could be to generate a “free-time” list of activities your son could do when you just need alone or rest time. It could include things like lego, magnet sets, certain CD roms, drawing… things that don’t demand much from you but that you’ll feel better about than “crap tv”.

By: Alison Kerr

Alison Kerr — Wed, 13 Jan 2010 14:43:54 +0000

Julie,

I think this is a very important topic. Thank you for writing about it.

I agree with Clay, in the bigger picture, illness, death and grief bring really important lessons, lessons which can be learned much easier in the home than if kids are being sent off to school and trying to continue as usual.

As in most things, seeking balance is an important component, as is being kind to oneself. Personally I find that gardening helps – there is comfort in a connection to the Earth and the seasons.

Alison Kerr

By: Mary

Mary — Wed, 13 Jan 2010 14:38:39 +0000

Dear Julie,

Today I opened one of the emails I get from you, but don’t usually have time to read. The title caught my eye. How I wish I had gotten encouragement such as your kind words four years ago.

I was a new breast cancer patient at the time and in my 13th year of homeschooling. I sent out emails to try to locate support for HS moms with Cancer and was told there were none. It would have helped me so much as your words ring so true to me even today. The guilt does come with the inability and it is not good to feel so overwhelmed.

We are doing okay. I had two left in school at the time and one has now graduated and moved on to college. I just regret not being able to do all for these two that I had done schooling my first two. I think your words of wisdom would have been a great help then.

Thank you for taking the time to share this. It is much appreciated.

God bless,
Mary

By: Melissa F.

Melissa F. — Wed, 13 Jan 2010 14:38:36 +0000

Julie,

I love your comments on grief. Thank you.

My main response is just to be gentle. Some time off is fine, then incorpoate a little school back in. Save the hard stuff for later if you can.

Embrace your family and their emotional needs, including your husband.

Two and a half years after grief hit our lives, and some things are just getting back to normal. Some not yet. That said, it has still been quality family time, and my children have learned and grown. Just agendas sometimes get thrown out the window.

My prayers for all of our families.-Melissa Fisher

By: Mary G

Mary G — Wed, 13 Jan 2010 14:37:22 +0000

Dear Kelly,
Sending my sympathies and hugs to you! Julie’s advice is right on and so well said. I wish that I had the forethought to heed that advice during my mom’s illness and death in 2003. I pounded through homeschooling and schedules while taking care of her in my home and my boys were YOUNG! I missed many moments with my mom for the sake of me keeping my schedule ugh!.
You do need to take care of yourself first in whatever way feels good. I fell pretty hard after my mom’s death, she was my last parent as well, and it effected my marriage for a time too. I needed space and time. Maybe your son doesn’t have to watch crap TV, but maybe you two can watch the many funny and/ or inspiring movies and documentaries that are out there. Curl up in a soft blankie with snacks and a movie.
Hang in there! Take the proverbial one day at a time. You are not alone! The homeschooling journey is about the long term and not just this year….
Peace,
Mary

By: Clay

Clay — Wed, 13 Jan 2010 13:54:38 +0000

Hi Julie,

Thank you for sharing these providentially, timely thoughts.

We too are homeschooling through grief after almost a year of taking care of my mother-in-law who moved in with us while she battled pancreatic cancer. The cancer took her life less than a year from diagnosis. She died in our home in August. We would want to point out that this too is home schooling in ways that could never be taught anywhere other than home on how to love someone who is chronically ill, how to suffer, how to die, how to weep, how to find grace and hope in the middle of pain and how God is gracious and faithful through it all.

We have and are finding tremendous encouragement, practical help and understanding through the things we are learning through a Grief Share group. We would highly commend Grief Share to anyone suffering grief through death (http://griefshare.org/).

May God lavish grace on you,

Clay